Monday, 30 November 2009
everyday when i read the ST, i will focus on the obituary section.. each day i will feel disappointed when i didnt see her picture on that page..
i dont understand why she can still live for so long when she engages in beastly affairs.. i hate her.. she ruined my life.. if this world is not bounded by law and order, i swear i would have killed her..
but then to give up my future by killing her is not worth it.. cos she is a flithy old spinster 31 year old bitch.. to give up my future for this piece of shit is not worth it..
i hope one day i can see her photo in the obituary section, and i will personally go down to her wake to ensure that she is dead.. cos normally baddie lives for as long as the eternity.. her early death would be too good to be true!!
Saturday, 28 November 2009
i am in love with $$.. everything i want in the world needs $$.. at first i tot there would be bonus this yr and i even plan to buy myself a very good bag =P today ST headline shattered all my dream.. sianz............ boss sms us to told us abt it.. i told him mine is pro rated even more jialat.. then he told me still got $$ but just cannot but LV this yr, buy next yr.. darn do i look like those girls who will buy LV? actually i wanted to reply him saying i dont really like LV, i prefer some other brand, but in the end, i didnt..
too tired.. cont tmr.. whahaha.
Labels: fate, job, life
Tuesday, 24 November 2009
this must be love
before ur thoughts run wild, i m not the lucky lady who is basking in love. Period. ha. this is about my best friend and that xx..
just abit of background before telling about how lucky tt lady is.. i always like 几米 pictorial book.. he is an author who presents philophical thoughts abt life in pictures and short yet thought provoking sentences.. i had quite a few of his books at home but most of them are pirated version.. recently, xuxu went to taiwan and bought me 2 latest copy in original version.. the pictures are so beautiful and there is indeed vast difference between the pirated and the original version.. when i am reading the book, i will uncontrollably place my hand on the page and could not help but to admire the very beautiful pictures.. and then to digest the short and meaningful sentences.. i hate to read long sentences cos i believe a good author is someone who can put across thought provoking scenario with just short and simple sentences.. i was quite disappointed with one of his series which he used far too many words, making the page filled with excessive words..
his books are quite ex, about $20 per book..
i believe my interest in 几米 books sort of influence one of my friend.. i cannot reveal her name cos i might be killed.. but then, she also develops an interest in 几米's book.. so when xx went to taiwan, she asked him to buy for her as well.. she only asked him to buy 2 or 3 cos it is too expensive.. so u know wat? one day, she told me she had 20+ 几米's book cos xx bought for her.. it was a surprise.. it is also baffling how xx manage to transport the numerous heavy books from taiwan to sg..
isnt xx so sweet to my friend? not only this, he also did many many sweet things to her..
i am someone who is very passive in love.. i am like a solar power equipment.. i will only react when i absorb sufficient light energy.. in love, i dont give before i receive.. cos i never want history to repeat itself.. it is very disgusting..
if he is THE one, he will have to make his identity known to me by being very nice to me.. i wonder if 几米's entire collection is sufficient or i need some other surprise? haha.. i tin that if i were her, and my THE one bought me the 20+ 几米's book, i will be very touched.. no.. i tin he need to do something else, cos i can never boast to this lucky lady liaoz..
1 possible sceniorio
me: u know he bought me the entire 几米's collection..
lucky lady: so wat? xx bought me long long time ago.. did yours also do this do that do this do that ne?
me: ...
i cannot lose to this lucky lady.. Mine has to be better than hers.. it is all or nothing..
Labels: expression of love, fate, life, touched
Monday, 23 November 2009
today i cleared my deepavali off.. very shiok.. =)
but i sort of miss my cookhouse food and i wonder if the MO knew that i didnt come to work today.. haiz.. sometimes i wonder why cant the MO talk to me ne? just say a little hi to me will die meh? haiz................ he didnt know if he say hi i will flash my best smile and say hi to him as well ma? haiz.................
i went to dye my hair and bought alot of clothes today.. 2 dresses, 3 blouses, 1 skirt, 1 tee shirt, 1 belt.. the feeling is shiok.. esp when they are cheap.. the blouse is only $15 each.. the saying each dog will have its day seems to be true.. cos doggy huifang seems to be able to buy cheap clothes.. cos now i got a change in policy towards buying clothes.. there is an additional term to the policy which says the clothes must also be cheap..
actually today i wanted to eat ba chor mee and read newspaper at a coffeeshop but i need to settle some family matter in the morning so bo bian.. but then recently i have gained weight, i dont really have the courage to eat lard-rich ba chor mee.. cowardly me..
i want to go JB and check out price of chanel foundation and eat the road side zi char.. yummy :)
i just bought bread with kaya and butter from bakery.. wow i got craving for it but there is no bakery that sell this so i cant have it for dinner.. nevertheless i went somewhere else to buy and the bread is now lying peacefully on my dining table and when the day breaks, i will break fast and the bread will then lie peacefully in my stomach.. *amen*
Labels: fate, food, life
Sunday, 22 November 2009
before i sleep tonight, i want to write about the ultimate bitch who ruin my life.. i didnt get a chance to write abt her but since tmr is my off day, i shall write abt her.. and may each letter on this entry translate into a curse to her..
i never knew why my life is so unlucky.. she made me disdain every single human being on earth.. she made me think of the worst of everyone because i am scared that there will be another bitch like her trying to ruin my life.. one bitch like her has already turned my life upside down.. hence, my life has no more room for another bitch.. or my life will shatter.. because of this, i try my best to protect myself so as not to get myself hurt.. she and her gang made me wary of all females on earth..
anyway, i cursed her everyday that her bf will leave her.. she is more than 30 yr old le.. so what worst can it be to see the guy u loved with all ur life decide to live u when u are getting older and older thus not longer marketable.. she is a bitch.. she dont deserve any good thing..
i told myself if i were to die the next day, i will make sure she die together with me.. as i am governed by both the civil and millitary law, i have no choice but to let this bitch looming ard on earth and letting her cause harm to innocent soul which causes this innocent soul to evolve into a monster..
she is an ultimate bitch.. she will only has herself and $$ and she will live a lone life with bitterness and no one will be ard her when she die.. she is a bitch..
because of her, i led a very sad and bitter life for a few months.. and her actions caused me to evolve into another me.. and she forced me to just be a substitute and make me go against my principle for merely $500..
i believe that my daily curse will make her lead the same very sad and bitter life that i had led for a few month back then.. she is just a bitch..
Labels: fate, life, scum
yeah! i finally got to JB to buy my contact lens :) i m very happy :)
i wanted to go jb since long long long time ago le.. but there is simply no opportunity for me to go which might be probably due to my over-reliance on someone to go with me.. i finally convinced myself that a courageous woman who is able to survive europe all alone should be able to conquer jb as well.. met with countless rejections to go jb cos my frens find jb a city looming with robbers who will rob and kill and then toss ur body into the wild so that werewolves will gobble down ur corpse and then leaving u corpseless for ur funeral..
same horror stories repeated by different people.. wow.. my friends though they do not know each other, do have same mind..
oh watever, quite alot of thing in JB is cheap.. the mascara is cheap (RM19.90 vs SGD 17.90), yakult (RM3.90 vs SGD4), auntie annie pretzel (RM3.20 vs abt SGD 3, scones (pack of 3, RM2.80 vs SGD 2.50), julie loveletter (RM3.50 vs SGD 2), clinque blush powder (RM98 vs SGD 50).. i nearly fainted when i know tt the clinque blush only cost RM 98 which is equivalent to abt SGD40.. i bought it at SGD50 in SG.. haiz..
there is nevertheless a shortage of contact lens in JB.. many shops didnt carry the lens i wanted due to out of stock.. luckily i found one shop which carried and sold them below the recommended retail price..
there is so many thing to do.. movies are cheap but i only reached JB in the evening as it was a last min decision to go in.. the popcorn are cheap as well.. damn.. i shld have gone in jb earlier..
i cannot believe the malaysian custom is so pretty!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my next aim is to go to shopping centre further away fr the checkpoint.. i just want to walk walk around.. i want to be away fr sg.. away fr the like-very-familiar-but-like-also-not-very-familiar-sg.. sg contains too many of my sad memories.. so many to the extent that it no longer can carry happy memories, if there is happy memory to begin with.. =(
new place, new people, new feeling.. who said new cannot be better than old ne?
Labels: expression of love, fate, life
Wednesday, 18 November 2009
thank goodness i did not waste $$.. i mean i must save $$.. just in case i am jobless again.. anyway, my jobless time makes me really understand people ard me.. those who can help just refuse to help.. wow.. it is amazing..
and guys.. they are gentleman only to their gfs or their gf's gf.. guys are shit.. i just met one guy who is so sweet to his gf but he is not tt nice to other gals.. incredible ya?
anyway, i looked at a guy recently.. he looks ugly.. and he is only gentlemanly to pretty ladies.. he is probably drawing a middle range income but i wonder if his income is sufficient to cover all his liabilities.. and u know wat? he is already married.. i cannot help but to develop evil thoughts when i looked at him.. my god, will i be so despo one day and married someone like him? cos no decent guys want me so i can only have such leftover to choose.. this thought really sent a chill down my spine..
i donno what i am looking for in a husband but i know what guys are looking for in a wife.. since guys are very visual creature, it is bettter to be with someone who is able to support ur lifestyle cos u will age into an ugly old hag anyway.. guys who are rich will have mistresses.. poor guys do not have mistress.. it does not mean that poorer guys are more faithful but is simply just due to their financially incapability to maintain a mistress..
due to my work nature, i am basically interacting with alot of guys.. one married guy actually asked me if he can go out with me.. he also said thing like if he can choose to be a male or female in his next life.. he would choose to be a PRETTY gal.. else, he will just want to be a male.. his wife was previously in banking and then with SQ.. i guess i should be flattered when he asked me out cos that means that i must be a pretty gal.. wahahahhaa.. anyway he is so fun to be with la.. but my right mind told me not to do so..
anyway, i was secretly looking forward to bump into someone on the way to work.. it is weird tt i can find someone who is single but fun to talk to.. but is impossible de.. aint i supposed to be devoid of all forms of emotions? i should just concentrate on the tangible aspects.. life is full of illusion to distract u from making practical option..
Labels: devil, expression of love, fate, life
Sunday, 15 November 2009
just feel like blogging before i sleep tonight.. with of course the risk of monday blues..
i have slowly evolved into a bad-tempered woman i guess.. whahaa.. i was very upset when i asked a doc if i could do a liposuction on my arm.. he said due to the condition of my arms, it is not possible to do so.. damn it.. in another words, it means like, thanks ms liang for trying ur best to be socially acceptable.. to try to get out from but i am regret to inform you that your social status update is rejected and there is no way for u to do so.. just live with this ba..
unbelievable.. the society lied to me.. shit.. i cannot believe i put in so much effort to lose weigh but in the end, my arms were not elgible for liposuction due to my previous too rapid weigh loss.. so does it mean that i am doomed to damnation? idiotic!!
the only way to get out of this shit is to hopefully marry someone of a better gene, so that my child would be more socially acceptable.. but who will want someone who have major physical flaws like me ne?
anyway, i was so disgusted by this society.. everyone convinced me that if i slimmed down, i WILL be more socially acceptable.. so see wat i got? a pair of arms that is not suitable for lipo due to too rapid weigh loss.. and my social status will be penalised due to this..
suan le.. i should stop harboring thoughts about progessing up the social ladder.. i am not being fatalistic.. but we must know our limitation.. for eg, for gals to be on the higher rung of the social ladder, they need to have small body frame.. so is it possible for someone with a big bone frame to become someone with small bone frame ne? if u still claimed that i am fatalistic and everything in life is possible.. then i have no choice but to tell u that u r just an idiotic!! but of course, unless u r really a good plastic surgeon who is able to slice off part of the woman's shoulder to reduce her body frame.. dont tell me this is possible!!
Labels: expression of love, fate, life
Thursday, 12 November 2009
my integrity is just worth $500.. can u believe this? and today i came to know something that i shouldnt have known.. i didnt want to obey the schrodinger cat theory.. in the end, curiosity killed me.. i just feel so sianz.. i realise i am forever everyone's second choice.. how sad life is.. =(
maybe the only way to console myself is to mislead myself into believing that the thing is fated to be mine ba.. i should be happier that way..
is $$ so impt? y cant i just forgo the $500 in exchange for possible happiness ne? diaoz.. in the end, i realise that i was wrong.. those people whom i thought wanted to kill me are the one who lent me the helping hand.. my god..
my integrity is for sale.. as long as u have $500.. u can buy my integrity.. any interested buyer ma?
Labels: expression of love, fate, life
Wednesday, 11 November 2009
i donno why i got serious problem controlling my temper.. weird de leh.. damn it!! my temper is getting from bad to worse!! when i was still the social outcast i realise that the society only values character as a secondary factor.. got is added advantage.. if dont have also ok.. cos the primary factor is physical appearance..
i always hope to be socially acceptable by becoming prettier and am willing to trade physical attractiveness for my good temper.. now i m getting prettier=P but at the expense of my temper!!
anyway, i must obey the bloody schrodinger cat theory or i will be the stupid cat that will be killed by my own curiosity.. haiz.. but i guess i will ask again tmr.. i cannot tolerate ignorance..
Labels: expression of love, job, life
Tuesday, 10 November 2009
i am totally exhausted today.. damn.. but it is quite satisfying.. u know it is great to get acknowledgement email from my big boss cos at least she knows that i am alive and kicking.. i m so scared she donno my presence..
anyway, i always find myself in a very awkward position in life.. because of my big body frame and height.. thank god i got a pretty face.. or i really can go and die le..
i just dont like changi food lor.. sianz half.. but then it is free.. far better than wasting $5 on lunch right? those $$ can be saved for more clothes!! hahaa.. cheapo me..
working my job brings me close to human nature.. i am so disappointed each time when i see the true color of many people.. they are not they seems they are.. this is quite frightening.. sometimes i wonder if i were to marry a guy.. he appears to be a very nice husband and father but then i wonder if he is a backstabber or someone who manipulate thing at the end of my back.. this thought just sent a chill down my spine.. this world is so cold..
anyway, everyday i will curse that bitch who caused me to suffer for so many months before getting a job.. the r/s between this bitch and her bf was previously strained but i am not sure if it has been restored.. from all the actions of the 30+year old bitch, i can see that her bf means the whole world to her.. everyday i curse that her bf will eventually leave her and this will make her world shatter and hopefully she will kill herself.. her existence in this world is inflicting unnecessary pain on many innocent people.. i will never forget to curse her at least once a day.. she is a bitch who has made me lost abt $20K.. shit her.. if murder is not a crime, i would have killed her long time ago.. but too bad, i wont want to waste my future over such bitch.. this bitch is simply not worth my bright future.. anyway when i flipped to the obituary, i was anticipating to see her photo there.. i hope that the law of nature can just exterminate her existence from the surface of this earth.. to be honest, her mere presence on earth is bringing me horror and bad memories.. i guess the only way to end this is (a) her bf marry someone and leave her totally heartbroken and shattered and thus wasted her life away, (b) to remove her presence on earth.. either one would be ideal.. i hate her to the core.. i will never forget to curse her everyday.. i believe in curses.. especially cursing bitches like her!!
Labels: expression of love, fate, food, job
Sunday, 8 November 2009
anyway i was thinking of last friday.. i tin i was quite bad to my boss=( i donno why recently i was going through an unexplanable emotional see saw =( was it PMS? but the duration is abit too long..
anyway, i was thinking abt certain thing in life and hate the feeling of helplessnes.. it seems like u are dwelling alone in the big jungle under a cold blue moon.. u r hungry and thirsty.. u have previously passed by some fruit tree but cos the last time u ate that kind of fruit and u have some diahorrea.. u develop a fear for it..
but u never know that once u passed by the fruit tree, there are no more trees that bear fruit.. oh my god..
anyway, i should have respected the schrodinger cat theory.. this is the most important theory that i should abide.. i shall elaborate more abt tis theory at my subsequent post..
and also the theory an eye for an eye..
Labels: expression of love, fate, life
Friday, 6 November 2009
i tin my life is so simple now.. my life is revolving about nothing but work and food.. it has gone to a point when i am starting to worry about my weigh.. haha..
anyway i was fighting a war at changi today.. and u know wat? tuas served western food today.. very sianz.. i like to eat those western food.. i wonder why whenever i am trapped in changi, tuas also serves food that i like to eat.. changi food sucks.. so my boss and i went to eat at the canteen instead.. initially i tot my boss was eating with his ex colleague.. i nearly wanted to skip lunch.. cos i ate alot of breakfast.. i love the sandwich at changi so i ate one despite breakfast at home..
monday i preparing to OT.. trust me.. i will prepare stuff for OT.. but the system will log me out at 10pm.. so i must be careful lor.. must work fast.. today i shld have just gone back tuas to OT.. but my boss din want me to do so.. sianz..
anyway, i promise to be nicer to my boss.. i need to be nicer to him.. cos he is very nice to me..
oh ya my mood is getting from bad to worse recently.. i wonder why.. i just cannot understand why thing (not due to work) are like tt.. i just hate it.. and today someone really step on my tail.. at least i manage to vent out some anger.. my senior asked me if it is very dangerous to stay at my current place as there are many foreign workers.. i told him tt there are many occasions where they come to talk to me.. i just ignored them but if they want to do something stupid to me.. i will hit them with all my energy.. i have tonnes of energy trapped within my body to release.. how to release ne? ahahaha.. i tin only violence can solve the problem..
oh ya.. reminder to self.. please take care of ur own appearance.. external looks are the most important factor.. u know? so u have alr eaten alot today.. please stop thinking of eating biscuit at such a wee hour of the night.. go and sleep la.. u pig.. u want to go back to the fat self who is despised by everyone? can u just wake up ur idea?
Labels: expression of love, job, life
Thursday, 5 November 2009
tmr is another day at changi.. but luckily my boss will be picking me from home to changi.. i cannot imagine gg to changi on my own..
anyway today the MO was standing so close to me but i do not have the courage to say hi to him.. haiz.. i guess i must pretend to fall sick and go visit the MO.. haha.. anyway, i tin the MO notice me BUT i wonder if the MO is interested in knowing me.. tt is very critical.. whahahhaa..
Labels: expression of love, fate, life
Wednesday, 4 November 2009
tmr will be a boring day :( i need to sleep le..
friday will be battle day.. wonder what time i will leave changi on fri.. luckily my boss will send me home.. i cannot imagine gg all the way from changi back home.. i tin i will die ba..
so tired.. night world..
Labels: expression of love, job, life
Tuesday, 3 November 2009
i tin my temper was bad the past week.. now is ok le.. everything seems to under control.. today i kena another arrow.. suan le.. i just take it an opportunity to know more pple.. ever since i left school, i never get a chance to interact with more human.. the past few months of working in the bank gives me but exposure to NOT humans but beasts and bitches..
it is some organising committee.. i will have fun i guess =) but the bad thing is i need to go gombak for meeting and my boss is not gg with me =( cos he would drive all the way to the place.. now i have to walk the long road.. haiz..
anyway, i think this tin is a good thing..
anyway recently i have met someone who makes me ponder abt life.. if u thought u have the right one, you will just proceed which also means that you end any other opportunity of meeting other people who could be better choice.. how do u know if the best one has arrived? and if u were to miss this one, is like miss the village, no more this shop le..
but too bad.. i have been corrupted by this cruel society.. it is only all or nothing.. so far i have never met anyone of such fantastic quality.. except the guy who is attached (ref to my previous entry).. the girl is too pretty le, i am not her match.. haha.. if i am better than her, will i snatch him over?
i won't want to be with an ordinary person.. i m ordinary enough.. i need some above average genes so that my child can have the opportunity of high social status..
Labels: expression of love, fate, life
Monday, 2 November 2009
i tin i am totally stressed up recently i am so worried abt whole lots of thing at work but yet i cannot tell anyone that i am stressed.. i need to be professional.. i need to show everyone tt i can cope with stress.. the most memorable day was when i had to prepare for ranking board and also do minute for my dept meeting on the same day.. i was finalising alot of thing for the ranking thingy.. and also minute.. minute here is so different.. got appendix somemore.. the meeting took the whole morning and i started writing the minute after lunch.. in the end, i finish the minutes at 9+.. i settled the ranking thing and then i realised i wanted to change something and alas, i was logged out of the system.. nearly fainted.. haiz..
i wonder why i m so worried.. i just want to excel in my work.. becos this might be the only thing i have when i grow old.. i still have the thoughts that i will not settle for the second best in term of r/s.. i am scared of being lonely but i have to spare a thought for my future child.. i was once socially unacceptable.. i knew the sad feeling of being the untouchable.. the least i can give my child is to ensure that he is socially acceptable.. that is very important for his growth..
i never believe in true love.. i just believe in someone who will be ur permanent social escort.. it is so weird to do certain thing alone.. but i will not be selfish and do it at the expense of the intelligence and physical looks of my future child..
so i hate stupid guys.. i hate ugly guys.. the worst being stupid and ugly guys.. imagine ur future child inherit his genes and u have a stupid and ugly child.. i mean i m not physically attractive or intelligent.. at least i look plesant and i am sort of witty.. so if my child were to inherit my gene, i will have an ordinary child.. no one will even look at him.. so i need superior gene to have a expectional child..
come on, the world is such a ugly place.. so if u want to bring someone to earth, pls at least give him plesant looks and of acceptable level of intelligence..
who u eventually marry will determine ur future and also the future of ur poor child..
i have only met once a very intelligent and quite good looking guy in uni but too bad, he was taken by someone who is very pretty and broke up with her ex bf just to be with him.. and she wanted me to assure her that i am not interested in him.. diaoz..
i wonder when will i meet the next one? if he appears, how do i identify him? and whether i have the courage to go all out like her to get him? including giving up the certainty (frens, my own principle, gg against social norms) for the uncertainty.. do u think i will?
Labels: expression of love, job, life
Sunday, 1 November 2009
last week i was so stressed up with work.. i was so scared that i will screw thing up.. my present boss is very nice and a long working r/s with him is possible unlike my bitch ex boss.. my previous bad experience with that bitch boss and those bitch asshole colleagues nearly changed me into a very secluded person who believed that there is no love between colleagues.. however, people i meet at my part time job after i left that disgusting place let me realise that there is love between colleagues..
my present working environment is a very nice one.. i really like my boss and my senior.. they too reinforce the point that there is love between colleagues..
i was reading through one of my friend's blog.. she was talking about romantic love.. i was shocked that she is someone who believes in those true love.. and she is now in the process of finding her Mr Right.. i never knew that she still believes in that despite her past experience..
i have an interesting conversation with a little boy last week.. we were discussing about ways to make ourself less bored after work.. i forgot how we started discussing abt r/s.. so he mentioned that before his mum was alive, he was trying to get himself a gf because he tin that his mum would be happy to have a grandson.. now that his mum has passed away, he no longer interested in starting a r/s with someone cos he dont see any purpose in doing so..
people r just so reluctant to move on from their past r/s and embark on a new one.. or maybe it is because the past r/s simply just illustrates that there is no such thing on earth ba..
sometimes when u looked at someone, u knew that he cannot be ur prince.. because he wasn't holding on to a glass slipper.. and even if he is, he definitely would have first presented the glass slipper to endless ladies whose looks are much more socially acceptable than you.. he came to u, because those pretty ladies wanted a diamond slipper not the glass one but he was not wealthy enough to buy them the diamond one.. that's why he present the glass slipper to u..
life is this.. so if u were to ever get into a r/s, better find someone with acceptable looks.. the last thing u want is to have ur children blaming u for giving them an ugly face and thus socially unpardonable as they have inherited the ugly genes from ur partner..
if u tin that there is true love.. wake up ur idea.. love is due to fear for loneliness.. and people marry the ugly is cos they do not have the capability to fulfil the desire of the pretty.. rmb.. the prettier the person, greater the wants of the pretty person..
i equate love to the caste system.. so pls choose someone carefully so that your child willl not become the untouchable.. i mean common on la.. u r scare of being lonely.. but there is the least u can do for ur future child right? u shant be so selfish to ur child right? we must be responsible parents..
ok la.. i need to read my stuff for work le..
Labels: expression of love, fate, job, life