in the end, i passed both my financial papers successfully. though i have passed, i really don't feel any sense of joy or what.. probably i knew that i will pass.. i am always good at exams.. i admit that i always worry alot before exams that i cannot do well.. just ignore me beh.. i can hardly pass any mock exams probably i know that it is just a mock, not something real.. however, the standard of the mcq of the 2 papers is so less tricky compared to NUS..

recently i m procrastinating all the time.. dreaming and thinking about my life.. what i really want in life.. i knew that i always wanted to be a doctor, although my dad thinks that i wanted to be one because my mum wanted me to and he kept saying that i should persue my own dreams.. haiz.. what he never knew is that i really want to be a doctor.. i studied so hard for my A level and here i m in NUS science.. damn it..

my best friend, xiuling, is now a paramedic.. she has persued her passion cos the pay of a paramedic is pathetic.. then i told her it is good that she persued her passion but i will never ever got the chance to persue my passion.. so she asked me why i never try graduate medical school.. in life, we are always restricted by $$.. IF ONLY i have $$, i would have gone to austrialia or england to study medicine after my A level and i would be a doctor soon.. medicine course overseas is freakingly expensive.. anyway, the reasons why i cannot go med grad school is plentiful..

forget it.. this shall just remain as a dream that i cannot fulfiled.. i mean, even if i have $$ in a few years time to study medicine, i won't want to do it either because the duration of the course is too long.. i cannot imagine how freakingly old by the time i sucessfully become a doctor.. it may be inspiring.. however, sometimes inspiring has a great element of stupidity as well..

p/s: 看《一廉幽梦》的紫玲，会令人感到一点的悲伤..

p/s2: i know i have been complaining in many of my blog entries about my inability to get into medical sch.. just bear with me a little yah..

everyone is so busy.. i am supposed to be busy as well.. because i have 2 exams to tackle.. nevertheless, all i wanted to do is to go out and to be a couch potato(after i have spent too much on going out)..

the feeling right now is so forlorn.. it makes weird sense that i felt even less forlorn in europe although i was travelling alone.. i love liege, the little city in belgium.. although no one could talk to me as i don't speak french, i felt so happy there..

when i was in europe, i thought that a good place to live in is a place where all your friends belong.. so i started to miss singapore but i am wrong because friends are just friends, they can never always be there for you.. i really longed to get away from singapore.. to a country which readily accepts me.. i really want to go germany but it is just so hard to get a job there..

oh ya.. i miss my mummy and daddy alot.. but they are always not there.. i went to balaclava today.. i thought it was not opened on sat night but i was wrong.. saw these group of people celebrating someone's bdae (whom i guess is their fellow colleague).. the band was singing a bdae song for him and then the waiter handed him a cake.. when i saw the cake, emotions overwhelmed me..

whatever my german host told me, i never forget..i have only 10 months left.. i need to work hard.. because time is running out...

我的天啊！我在用华文！我真的真得很烦啊！好多事在这短短的事件发生。我想我真的什么就不要去管了。或许漠不关心会让我快乐一点。又或者我根本没有关心的权利，因为我只是个路人甲。

算了！现在我只希望可以在考试及格。不然，真得很丢脸啊！

原来，幸福是这么遥远的。

it is fantastic to travel alone in europe!! the feeling is indescribly wonderful..

sometimes it is not so fun to go out with people who allows me to make decision where to go and where to eat.. and when i set the meeting place, the next question that follows would be where to eat.. to begin with, i m a very spontaneous person.. only in studies and work and serious stuff do i really plan my stuff.. but in my free time, i don't plan to the exact detail what i should go to when i reach the place and where i should eat..

when i was travelling alone in europe, no one was there to ask me which states to visit and therefore i can just decide which state to go only the day before and having absolutely no idea what to see in the state.. my host was even more worried than me when i told her i didn't have a guide book or even a map for amsterdam and liege but i was venturing there anyway.. i could have imagined if i got a travel companion, the person would be so damn worried and the next thing is that my trip would be cancelled due to insufficient planning..

travelling alone is fun because you don't have to account to someone when and where you all should eat.. for me, i would just walk around and eat only when i saw something appealing or when i m hungry.. and in unfamiliar city like amsterdam and liege, i would have absolutely no idea what i could eat.. oh please, i want to eat something nice and exotic!! so don't keep bugging me what we should eat..

traveling alone is fun because you don't have to compromise.. though i am fat, i can walk super long distance.. but not everyone could or want to do so.. and i walk very slowly and i don't like to refer to map, so chances is the person would be terrified of being lost.. map is for me to get back to the train station or hotel.. i don't mind if someone read the map and lead the way and show me how i can tour around the city.. but i hate it when someone said that i am lazy to read the map and always rely on someone to read it.. please!! this is my style, i don't read map unless after 1 hour of walk, wat we see is only trees and more trees and it seems like we are going to enter an uncivilised area or we are really lost..

travelling alone is fun because you can meet interesting people..=) having a companion deprives you meeting people because it is so hard for strangers (who eventually becomes your friends) to come talk to you and your friend.. however, it might not be safe travelling alone.. but then ms huifang is a street smart.. haha.. so no big deal with that.. but then taking photo might be difficult..

after travelling alone, i realised that if you want to do something, just go and do it on your own ba.. a good example would be i like to eat thai food but if i kept hoping that someone would come and eat with me.. i won't get the chance to eat it becos people don't like it becos it is too spicy or it can give pimple or donno what stupid reason.. after the trip, i realise everyone just have to do something they like alone.. unless you have a soulmate.. but then ur spouse or your bf/gf might not be your soulmate.. they might just be someone of convience..

p/s: i am addicted to ER.. can't wait for hallmark channel.. DVD is so expensive.. gotta just watch it online..

p/s2: i simply hate studying for my 2 financial papers which i have to pass before i start work.. studying means eating plenty of snacks!! shit.. i am growing fatter!!

happy
these few days MIA online cos i was busy with quite alot of thing and also studying for 2 financial papers that i have to pass..

oh ya.. got G2000 voucher and alot of discount voucher fr xl. $50 clothing allowance from my aunt.. felt so happy cos i can buy clothes.. but i m still finding the right clothes to buy..

oh.. i have eaten alot recently.. *faint* so dont be surprise if u see that i have grown fatter..

just a little picture..


i am so happy recently that i hardly lose my temper.. watever crapz i cannot tolerate in the past, i can do so now.. =) i hope it is for long..

p/s: i guess i m crazy.. just a few words make me so happy.. waiting for september to come.. =)

p/s2: angelika havent replied me since satursday. i guess she must be really busy.. i miss her though..

p/s3: oh ya.. a cute german guy asked kw to send me his greeting.. haha.. actually i thought he has forgotten me le.. but he still rmb me.. cos he never give me his email address, only to kw.. it is good.. so good to have another friend..

so in the end, i made up my mind.. life is just so incredible.. at first i thought i will go to place 1, but in the end, due to the people in place 1 didn't tie me down immediately, someone from place 2 came and dangled a bigger carrot in front of me and i, being just an ordinary weak human being, followed the soul to place 2.. it was so incredible.. this is because if i was tied down immediately, i guessed i would be in place 1 now.. isn't this incredible?

ok.. so thur went to yc's house for dumpling.. i couldn't get up on time so in the end i was late by 30 to 45 mins.. i told her not to wait for me to eat, ask them to eat first.. then in the end, i realised that everyone was waiting for me.. haiz.. i felt so pai seh... and i was also on the phone quite some time.. bleahz..

fri was spent doing some serious business.. putting my signature on the letter of offer.. even the last few moment before the signing, i was still pondering.. after many days of consideration, i hope i will not regret my choice.. then after went to imm with mq.. then while waiting, i saw the mento machine.. i put in $1 coin and then pressed start and then end.. the screen then displayed the number 5.. at first i thought only 5 tube of mento will be out of the machine.. i was shocked when the 6th tube appeared.. it was so incredible.. this is because wat u thought will happen, didn't happen instead.. or rather, wat u thought will never happen, could happen..

life is just so unexpected.. i never knew that life is so incredible.. and today, as i was on my way home from tuition, i took a deep breath.. i looked forward and i saw my future.. it seems like the future my friends (and probably i) thought would never happen, has happened.. i was smiling so blissfully.. probably everything could be possible because life is incredible.. so don't ever condemn yourself.. and have faith in yourself..

p/s: i know it is not possible.. but let me immerse myself in beautiful fantasy for a while k?