A world with me and myself.
Who am i?

Huifang
A girl




What i feel



Everyone has a soulmate, who is simply just yourself.

Life's just a meaningless joke. Probably because word is free, so the people just say whatever they want even if they don't mean it. But fret not, thou shalt lose no hope, for thou still have thyself. Thyself shalt always stay true and faithful and never will let lies pass through thy lips...

Life's just all about external excellence. Worship your physical temple, they proclaim... But fret not, thou still have thyself... There's still a soulmate in this world who does not despise your tangible externality.

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Huiwen
Junming
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Liu Xi
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Pei Ying
Qin Yi
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  • Credits


    Brushes from Deviantart

    Monday, 31 December 2007


    actually i can continue.. but i didnt want to do that.. it is simply weird.. cos last holiday (around the time huili left for US), i got the strong urge to fulfil it.. to the extent i planned a rigid regimen which i followed so religiously.. and initially there was so much curses and swearings becos i have to overcome my desire in order to achieve it.. although i dont think that my desire is sinful.. nevertheless after that period, everything become so easy.. until school started and i was lured to give in to my desire.. the devil was there to thaw my plan.. and the devil suceeded!! erm.. quite victorious to certain extent.. and i jumped in fear when i saw the devastation..

    yet exams came and becos of exams stress i gave in to the devil once again instead of re-constructing the destruction.. i relented probably cos the scale of destruction was considered quite small.. and hence, not strong panicky feeling..

    because of this, the scale of destruction increses at an exponential rate without me knowing cos i was too busy mugging for my exams..

    i understand that i have complete control of my desire.. and yet, i din.. i guess it is due to my sub-conscious self trying to dominate my body and desire.. probably my sub-conscious self was ignorant of the dire consequences of giving in to my (or rather its) desire..

    probably my sub-conscious self still believe naively in fairy tales.. probably my sub-conscious self want to prove the whole world wrong..

    ___________________________________

    dear Ms huifang's Sub-conscious,

    oh please for heaven sake.. u stop influencing my physical self and stop succumbing me to my sinnful desire.. or we can never co-exist and thus, i will poison u at all stakes.. even if it means i will be left with no more sub-consciousness.. if u are there just to destroy my life.. then i ought to destroy u.. i sincerely mean no harm.. i just want to have a normal life.. and i hope u understand that giving in to my desire willl deprive me of THE normal life.. i hope that u understand that i have only 6 years left..

    thanks for ur understanding in advance..

    yours master,
    huifang

    ¤Take it easy... C'est la vie..¤

    Saturday, 29 December 2007


    recently was mad..

    1st mad incident
    exams results release.. it is pretty disgusting.. i got a darn B- which i cannot s/u.. and therefore pull down my average SAP.. shit.. last sem, my SAP was pulled down by a B, this sem by a B-.. and hence i missed again.. never mind, i will work hard next sem.. i dont want to believe that i will miss it again next sem.. please shoot me if i got any Bs next sem.. next sem is my only chance not to miss it again..

    2nd mad incident
    i miss it again.. darn.. this time round is self imposed deadline.. i m trying so hard to get thing done on time.. but my lab always impedes my progress.. and the major problem that attributes to that is the lack of solvent.. i tried to borrow from many sources.. it is utterly disgusting cos i never like to borrow anything from anyone.. honours make me break my rule..

    3rd mad incident
    sometimes my stupid reaction took unpredictable span of time for completion.. yesh.. i cannot predict what crappy time it will end.. therefore i end up taking quick lunch.. and sometimes i m running gigantic column, i end up eating lunch at around 2+pm.. so hungry!! =(
    and recently my breakfast will be musli bar, lunch some yong tau foo and dinner (ard 8 or 9pm depending on when i reached home) log cake and ginger breadman from coffee bean and tonnes of kiwis and pineapple and watermelon.. i know it is fattening to eat cakes for dinner but this is the only pleasure in life right now.. ahahha.. i m going to buy more cakes and store in my fridge.. i hope to eat them for dinner.. i ate a total of 2 breadman.. and only 2 left.. haiz..

    4th mad incident
    during group meeting today, my whole lab was laughing all the way as i presented.. sianz..

    5th mad incident
    becos of unpredictable reaction time, i will fly kite cos reaction havent completed and reaction willl turn bad if i leave it overnight.. haiz.. i felt bad..

    6th mad incident
    i have not yet planned my time table.. shit.. bidding starts this wednesday.. haiz.. so many thing to do..

    7th mad incident
    i realised after my german 4 final test may occur in the same week as the submission of thesis.. and then after exams, i have a violin exams in less than 1 month..

    ¤Take it easy... C'est la vie..¤

    Wednesday, 26 December 2007


    haiz.. jugdement arrives in approximately 3.5 hr time.. i feel scared.. yet there is nothing i can do since everything is fixed now.. all i could do is to wait for the time to come and to accept the outcome gracefully..

    i simply hope that it reflects my level of effort.. if not, it will be too tragic..

    sigh..

    ¤Take it easy... C'est la vie..¤

    Tuesday, 18 December 2007


    my angel ivy has left for england today.. she has really been a great help to me.. hope to get to meet up with her in england.. if that really happens it also mean that my dream has fulfiled..

    oh ya.. recently i felt that i have not sufficient time.. the feeling of being lost to time is very intimidating.. cos right now, i m fighting a battle of which the outcome is of great importance to me.. that is why i cannot lose.. i must fight till i suceed or till i failed (crossed my finger)..

    today i was told that i m a perfectionist.. haha.. i mean it is quite incredible cos not many people mentioned this to me before.. regarding this.. probably she is right.. i strive to be a perfectionist in my work.. and probably only in work.. haha..

    oh ya.. results is releasing soon.. hmmm.. i really feel scared.. and i felt so helpless becos i know that whatever has happened has happened.. i can never change the outcome.. and hence, i have to resign to fate..

    it is ok la..

    shall work harder for my FYP and for next sem..

    ¤Take it easy... C'est la vie..¤

    Saturday, 15 December 2007


    is living also part of human?? living seems to be a very mandane task.. sometimes it really gets on my nerve to know that i have no control over how i want to live my life..

    there is so many thing that i regret in life.. one of the greatest regrets is not to study hard in uni.. when i reached yr2sem2, it seems so late.. and now it is getting a toll on me since i m trying to do amends..

    and the funniest thing in life is u know u are not happy living a certain way of life but it is somehow fascinating yet disturbed knowing that people re-live the same old unhappy life again and again.. perhaps it is impossible to fight against fate to aquire the most desired way of living.. or perhaps it is simply due to sheer laziness that one simply doesnt want to change the way of living..

    living and re-living a life of not ur choice is simply a misery.. of course, one should not resign to fate but to try to fight against it.. however it is easier simple say than done.. becos it is the almighty fate that we are talking about.. human are just so weak soul.. human have no control over their physical appearance, their genetical make-up..

    and therefore with their flaws in their physical appearance and that of their genetic make-up, they are doomed to live a life of not their choice..

    perhaps this is in accordance with darwin's survival of the fittest.. maybe one day, human will not live a life with the ugly and genetically inferior being..

    a quote from a tsunami survival.. it is so great to be alive.. however, when i heard that my reaction is like really? and i was thinking.. if a tsunami came, will i struggle for my life or will i simply give up? i m not sure..

    p/s:
    the biggest sadness in life is not being able to live the life u want to.. it is even sadder when it is cos of ur physical appearance or genetic make up..

    ¤Take it easy... C'est la vie..¤

    Monday, 10 December 2007


    this is pretty disgusting.. someone poured his stupid compound into my dimer.. i tried not to be angry cos i rmb that i also did some stupid thing to my mentor, i damage some of my mentor's compound so i feel that as long as the person don't mean it, it is ok.. that is why i was not angry just wu nia.. it really got me on my nerve when he even asked me to separate the mixture to obtain my compound.. wa lau..

    and it is pretty digusting that i cannot interpret my spectrum.. i really need help leh.. but i havent asked the post grad in my lab.. if even him doesnt help me.. i will just go to my prof le la.. heck le.. the most just bad impression ( as in how come i cannot interpret the bloody spectrum on my own) but at least i know if i have isolated my dimer.. and perhaps my prof can teach me how to interpret the spectrum.. before u all thought that i m not putting in effort to try to interpret the spectrum.. i m now reading a book on that but i m not 50% done.. sianz.. and theory is most of the time quite different from practical..

    i pray that by monday i can get my pure dimer.. may god bless me.. or else i dont know wat to present for my group meeting..

    ________________________________________

    oh ya, anyway i saw someone today.. it is so pretty interesting cos a phrase came into my mind..
    爱一个人一定要全心全意的爱,相对的,恨一个人也要全心全意的恨

    then i start to worry about my dimer again.. shit.. i really need some help..

    ¤Take it easy... C'est la vie..¤

    Sunday, 9 December 2007


    sigh..

    i guess i have thrown away some of my precious compound after column purification.. shit.. i should have studied which compound will emerge from the column first.. my god, my scale of reaction is only 1 mmol.. my god.. i got this feeling that i will need to redo the whole damn experiment.. sobz..

    i prayed i can get a NMR slot tomorrow to analyse my compound.. haiz.. feel like dying.. shit.. from now on i will be extra careful.. one of the starting material is made by 11 steps while the other is by 9 steps.. my effort will go down the drain if my dimer is wrong..

    god, please make it right.. i promise from now on i will analyse wat will emerge from the column first in case i threw the damn wrong thing..

    sigh..

    i finally believe that everything is fated.. it is fated that i m going to die..

    sigh sigh..

    now i m listening to 梁静如 崇拜.. really feel like crying.. wonder is cos the lyrics of this song is very sad or rather i m griefing over the demise of my precious dimer..

    sigh sigh sigh..

    ¤Take it easy... C'est la vie..¤

    Wednesday, 5 December 2007


    everyone is leading a life of bliss.. the cats are frolicking under the cheery sun.. the dogs are living in harmony with the cats.. people is helping one another in turbulent times.. human abuses no words and speaks of only the truth.. everyone possesses admirable courage to do the thing their heart told them to do.. in this world, there is only love, peace, truth.. there is no hatre, no war, no jealousy, no bad things.. everything that happens happens for a good reason.. and everyone lives happily ever after..

    "so mummy, is this the world i am living in now?"

    "of course, the world is a nice place.. however there are some lost souls who hurt people but dear, u must love them.. love can be propagated and one day, love will lead the heart of those lost souls home.. so let's love, love and love.."

    so one day, the little girl was on her dying bed, writhing in excruciating pain.. her entire little body showed evidence of physical damage.. her exhausted face implied the pain that was inflicted on her mentally.. her eyes teared but no one handed her a piece of tissue paper.. she tried to wipe off the tears that rolled down her sunken cheeks but she failed, for she was unable to summon sufficient strength to raise her bony arms..

    myriad of events filled her entire mind.. of how the mummy whom she held in high esteem and admiration lied to her..

    "mummy, what is your intention of lying to me?" she screamed with all her remaining strength..

    and then she breathed her last..

    ¤Take it easy... C'est la vie..¤

    Sunday, 2 December 2007


    tue..

    please come..

    it's torturing..

    and my lab cleaning schedule is out.. irrrk.. which means that there is actually an untold thingy the date i need to resume lab.. lab is going to be very stress.. progress report on the 15th jan.. and wat i want is to build a trimer for my progress report.. yup.. i want trimer.. please make it happen.. but presenting trimer for my first report is so risky..

    cos i got too many thing to read up on.. yup.. my december hols will be as busy as a bumble bee.. i hope i wont slack.. i must finish reading alot of thing..

    my last module.. i scare i will not do well.. my momentum is more or less gone le.. why can't the exam be tmr? haiz.. early die early better..

    but in another words i have to revert back to my old lab days.. long jeans.. and suffer mental and physical torture..

    sianz..

    so wat do i want? tue to come soon or not?

    hahhahaa..

    ¤Take it easy... C'est la vie..¤