how funny life is.. i want to believe in something so badly but somehow my sensibility does not permit me to do so.. sianz.. then how can i lie to myself that everything is possible? life is a pretty bed of rose?

haiz.. too tired to even cont with my blog.. shall cont tmr..

tired..

为什么.. sometimes i really just don't know why.. at first i tot i could just eat my breakfast in front of the sea.. then i realised that i might be unable to do so..

recently i am thinking of the second choice thingy.. why am i always the second choice in every single thing ne? why can't i be the first choice? i guess i always lack the "eastern wind" to move my bloody ship.. sianz.. maybe i should console myself.. at least i am the second choice.. if i m the third choice then that is it le.. i have been learning so hard to be contented these few days.. i have been trying to psycho myself that i currently have alot le.. but somehow i didnt manage to succeed leh..

today got a very sianz phone call.. if only u called me 2 weeks earlier.. my life would have been different.. why am i always a victim of time? i hate this simply cos i am unable to manipulate time.. i hate this feeling of helplessness.. i just hate it.. if only i have the power to change it, probably i would be richer now.. at least i still have u with me.. anyway, i got my ID card today.. i thought of u again.. i believe that u once possessed this card before.. coming to work makes me think of u..

anyway, i cannot change my past.. i can only try my very very best to pray for my future.. sometimes a divine intervention is the only key to the answer..

带我走..

sianz.. i am already prepared for the unexpectedness tmr.. donno if A will get me into trouble.. is ok.. i have already prepared myself for the worst case scenario.. i will smile and speak to A nicely.. then after that, i must remain calm and then pray for the best..

anyway, i should go work early one morning and have my breakfast in front of the sea.. maybe on friday ba =) shld i buy fried noodles or just sandwiches? fried noodles is more yum yum but if the sea breeze is too strong, then when i pick up the noodles with my chopstick, the long noodles may fly towards my face and stick onto my face.. damn it.. the black soya sauce.. then i will frantically trying to find my tissue paper and i will also wipe away my make up.. and then there will be a ugly patch on my face which is without make up.. by then my colleagues will all reach office liaoz and they will see an ugly me.. forget it.. sandwich is fine.. who says in life, u will always be someone's first choice ne?

i must eat my breakfast by the sea!! must must must!! anyway, shld see what A says tmr.. i must stay calm.. and i will stay calm so i can do damage control..

带我走..

Anyway, was gorging myself with mooncakes.. i never liked snow skin mooncake and i thought never in my life will i be gorging myself with tonnes of snow skin mooncakes.. life changed.. recently there is this very unique snow skin mooncakes.. i loved it so much.. i have already swallowed 3 mooncakes.. never in my life did i swallow more than 3 snow skin mooncakes! it is interesting.. it gives me deep insights..

i wonder if i should now be contented with my life.. or should i ask for more.. i wonder why i dont feel contented.. i thought that i will be contented if i got the job i want.. now that i got the job i want, i realised that i want more.. i want more from this job.. i donno la.. why is it that i am always asking for more ne? actually i havent gone to the sea and enjoy the sea breeze.. i guessed i am too stressed.. i need to learn to relax and enjoy the sea breeze.. oh ya, i wonder wat is for lunch this mon.. i hope there is crispy fries.. i like fries=) or not.. i hope there is no crispy fries.. i dont want to grow fat..

will be going changi for quite a number of times in Nov.. sianz.. so far.. but then, heard that changi food is fantastic.. so on the brighter note, i can try =)

i am quite busy these days.. next week is as bad.. but cos of responsibility, i can only release my responsibility 2 weeks later.. si beh sianz.. damn!!

Dear Mortal,

I am writing to you again as promised..

did u feel more at ease today? dont doubt urself.. u can do it de.. anyway, just give ur best at work.. u can do it de..

anyway, pls just concentrate in ur work and nothing else.. but maybe u can indulge in french fries and soft drinks but watch ur weight.. u have been eating alot today.. pls do this again.. do u know that for lunch, u ate heaps of fries and fried fish fillets and creamy onion soup.. and for dinner, u ate an upsized meal.. u tin u underweigh meh?

sianz.. stop doubting urself.. damn it.. u can do it de..

tmr is fri.. congrats!! which means next week is coming soon.. u can finally say good bye le.. =)

Regards
Your Angel

Dear Mortal,

can you stop worrying so much? this place is not the place u used to be at.. in this current place, there is no bitches!! and everything is different.. u r now under salvation.. u have already resurrected.. u have now progressed into the realm where u shld bask with happiness..

and my dearest mortal, can u not be stupid? stop trying to look for thing that is best u do not know.. u shld just count ur blessing.. does it really matter if u r the second choice? u shld be gladful that the first choice gone to be someone's choice.. do u know that ignorance is blessing ne?

Dearest Mortal, pls do sleep now.. i will write to u again tmr..

Relax.. Smile and dont be stressed!!

Regards
Ur Angel

is this the life that u have been living before u left me? it is indeed a very fascinating place to be at.. the food that i ate today.. have u eaten them before as well? this place really brings me closer to u..

u must jia you!! pls dont panic.. they are not bitches like those u used to know.. relax dear..

u have already prayed today.. even if u do not have faith in urself, u shld also have faith in god! havent u experienced the power of god le ma? u are what u r because of god..

recently i have grown fatter.. due to a sudden increase in my happiness index.. damn.. when i am happy, i let myself go wild.. i give myself opportunity to indulge in sinnful food.. they are not chocolate, cakes or pastries.. i have great love in chocolate, cakes or pastries, however, i have not attained the stage when i am able to overcome my fear of growing extremely fat.. rather i indulge recently in carbo rich food, like noodles, rices, fried oily stuff..

food is just endophrine.. my happiness index escalates whenever i sink my teeth into delicious food.. i like the fried carrot cake, the nasi lemak, porridge with century egg & pork, fried rice, old chang kee ngoh hiang, mushroom chicken balls, fried chicken wings, cake history golden triangle, mr bean's soya beans milk with pearls and their tarts, luncheon meat..

however, recently i have some disappointments.. i have intense craving for pasta, linguine to be specific.. so my first try was at pizza hut, i forgot to request for linguine and fusilini came, i nearly fainted.. it was so yucky.. then the second try was at this newly open italian cafe at suntec.. it is a wonder that they do not have linguine so i just made do with spagehetti.. i was so curious how did they manage to create such yucky seafood manirana that is supposedly idiot proof.. there are many oil bubbles floating on the sauce.. luckily the companion, my dear MY and EN are fun people.. which is not the case for my companion for the pizza hut thing.. i swear i will never go out with him anymore!! it is a promise to myself that i will keep to it..

anyway, i am still beaming with happiness.. i m looking forward to the shokudo's pasta.. i am craving for their pasta, jap curry pork chop rice and their thin crust pizza.. yum yum yum.. i also have craving for the skinny pizza at suntec.. pork rib at changing appetite.. carl junior burger.. i also want to eat a big plate of finger food, must have ngoh hiang, sandwich, all kind of fried balls, nugget, potato wedge, taiwanese sausage..

nevertheless i was wondering what is for lunch on tue? i love my work place.. cos of the uncertainty of the food they will serve and i can only just eat what they serve.. it is like dear mummy's cooking.. so unpredictable!! just tt sometimes she will cook something that i really hate to eat and she will force me to eat them.. for instance, daddy and mummy love to eat celery but i just find it so yucky, and she will cook them and force me to eat.. but until now i still hate celery =P anyway, because of my dear mummy, i learn to appreciate pumpkin, bringal, lady finger, rice dumpling (yes i really hate it in the past), fried yam, fried sweet potato, fried carrot cake and yam cake, butter cake, all sort of pastries.. my daddy has not so much influence on me.. cos he is not the cook.. but he likes to eat sweet potato soup and initially i hate that as well, now i like it very much!!

how can i learn to love to eat celery ne? haiz.. i am totally put off by the yucky smell.. so pungent.. up till now, even if i eat, i need to pinch my nose and then shove the celery fast into my mouth and then briefly chew and swallow fast, followed by a big mouthful of water to wash down the pungent smell.. i guess i must try harder to love celery as well ba.. i want to love to eat celery..

now that mummy no longer cooks, i really hope that someday she can cook again.. maybe sambal bringal, curry chicken, onion omelette, braised pig heart, and her killer ngoh hiang!! then can be followed by butter cake.. her cake is very buttery.. i never do not dare to see the baking process because i forsee that she added in alot of butter and sugar.. i'll feel guilty..

anyway, damn it.. i guess i m mad abt food.. siao..
i have grown fatter.. i pray i will stop gorging tmr onwards..

sometimes u miss someone so badly that you will end up trying to do what the person used to do in the past.. so m i living for myself? i am not sure.. but what i am very sure, is that u are still living in my heart and have been influencing the life i am leading now.. and indeed u r still alive.. right here with me all the time..

oh ya, i made a very big decision today.. to be closer to u.. i hope that i have made the right decision..

anyway i did a medical exams recently and realised that i got a health problem.. sianz.. though it is not that serious, i find the problem quite disturbing.. but i find my condition getting better le..

oh ya.. i tin i m so stupid.. thing that should not happen will not happen.. so if i tot that it happen, i shld realise tt is an illusion..

now the happiest thing, i am closer to u =) i m now doing quite similar to wat u r doing when u r still alive.. =) i believe that will bring us closer together =) and i am sure u will bless me =)

天时，地利，人和

recently i quite emo cos too many choices le.. really spoilt for choices.. eventually, there is only 1 huifang so she has to make a choice.. so she chose the first one that came to her.. anyway, i hope i made the right choice.. and i finally understand why i am going through this.. and i am grateful for all these tribulation i am going through.. if not, i will never meet emma, sihui and 蔡小弟.. and of course, meiyin for helping me with this.. only in time of crisis, then u know that who is the one who could have helped u but chose not to help.. becos, 他不好也不想我好..

talking about choices, i felt quite 无奈.. one of the choice came too late.. too late.. if not, i would be with the choice le..

today i was so happy, i went for my manicure, pedicure, hair cut and dinner with my 蔡小弟..

tmr i must go out extra early for work cos i am going to eat breakfast with 蔡小弟.. i pray i wont be late.. hopefully we can eat kaya toast tgt.. i tin i will omit the butter.. butter is too fattening and i am not courageous enough to eat butter..

oh ya, when my dear darling come back from South America (South America is not in US), i guess i have alot of thing to tell her.. haha.. maybe this time round, i would be in a more cheerful mood.. great! =)

oh ya, my tuition kid is so sweet.. i got a very sweet gift from her.. the gift is nicely wrapped in pretty pink paper.. but i havent opened it.. i guess no time to open? cos i was quite emo these few days..

oh ya, i tin i am unable to love leh.. can someone teach me how to love ne? maybe write down step 1 to 10.. i would just follow.. haha..

anyway, do u want me to love anyone ne?

weird.. i didnt know what i was doing the whole day.. diaoz.. and i sort of missed the very nonsensical 蔡小弟.. i not going work tmr.. anyway even if i go work tmr, dinner with him has to cancel.. cos i got something urgent tmr..

anyway, it is weird la.. i wonder why.. i wonder why i have so many choices recently.. i never knew that the myriad of choices is equally disgusting because i really do not know how to choose..

anyway i really want to eat very nice de fried maggie mee.. i was hunting high and low for it but i cannot find =(

these few days i was so sleep deprived.. i had a bad cough and flu.. so i went to see a GP and asked if i was inflicted with the cursed virus.. the gp assured me saying that i did not have the virus.. he gave me some flu and cough med.. he also gave me some Zn tablet.. he told me not take vitamin C tgt with Zn cos vitamin C would deactivate Zn.. but i have seen new product by a med gaint that contains both Zn and vitamin C.. it is so confusing.. anyway i have yet to verify that piece of info.. cos the doc mentioned that i must finish every single Zn tablet, so i didnt eat them..

i was sleeping like mad since fri night.. due to the drowsy effect of the med..

anyway i felt quite puzzled recently.. i mean when things come, they all come tgt.. making me spoilt for choices.. i wonder why man!! no choice and plenty of choices are equally bad.. i prayed that i have made the right choice.. i am sure it will be the right choice, what can be better than working by the sea right? though i must go get myself a bangala phone soon..

i guess maybe i have met my lucky star.. this is cos my life has recently changed for the better.. but who is my lucky star ne?

suddenly feel like eating meatball pasta!! diaoz.. shld i eat it on wed night ne? tt's if someone has time to go eat with me.. hahaa.. yum.. anyway, i must be extremely careful with my weigh.. cos i have been eating quite alot.. i dont want to go gym cos gym is too stressful.. lalala..

anyway, none of my frens support me in the RC competition.. win liaoz lor.. i confirm cannot get the 10,000 RC coins.. sianz.. i wasted my time in designing the RC menu.. sianz..

i am quite happy now.. the bad thing that i have gone through make me learnt more about life.. i am glad that thing happened this way.. soon, i will moving on to another phrase of my life.. but i will never forget the little thing that had happened in the past..

finally after a big drama today.. i am now able to sleep.. now is 9:52pm.. good night world =)

will update more tmr =)

how should i compose that darn email? si beh sianz.. i never knew that it is just so hard to type.. or is it cos i am very sick today.. and scared half to death by some people..

suddenly i realised that thing comes together as one.. and today a question nearly made me lose my cool.. what is your r/s status? wa.. faintz..

today i drafted so many formal replies.. i felt some sense of achievements.. but i wonder if this is my future..

anyway, help!! i will be in a very big dilemma this coming monday.. let me try to think of ways to escape.. huifang u can do it de.. *yipee*

anyway, i am so sicky today.. i thought of not going to work but then i still go because i have to take leave tmr and fri..

anyway i was late for work today cos i was trying to find herbal tea and then i realised that no human being would start selling herbal tea so early.. then i considered if i should drink soya bean instead and i didnt buy simply cos i didnt want to drink it.. so in the end, i went to 7-11 to buy orange juice..

when i reached office, 蔡小弟 bought sandwich for me.. i was quite touched cos i didn't know that anyone would be so nice to me when i was so sick.. however, i didnt eat the sandwich cos i have already bought my breakfast le.. i would always ensure that i eat well when i am sick because i know that i have only myself to take care of myself..

the pleasant surprise really brightens up my day.. this is because i could hardly recall anyone buying food for me when i was sick.. or probably the whole world thought that i am too fat le.. falling sick should make it slimmer.. so i should eat that much..

ytd was the start of my sickness but was still under controlled.. i went work without my panadol.. then i had to wait till lunch to get those pills.. just when i was so damn angry that my fri mission might screw up due to my sickness.. i saw sandwich.. =) at least i see some hope.. thanks =)

dear angel and devil,

I know i should have written a separate letter to both of u because I understand that both of u dislikes each other and to address both of you together would mean an insult for the both of u.. nevertheless, i am now emotionally incapable of writing separate reply to both of u..

u know what? he is on his path to concillate with his beloved.. i guess soon ba.. sadly, my speculation is always true.. i simply just hate myself sometimes for being to be able to predict bad thing so accurately.. why can't i be wrong just this one time ne?

anyway, i finally believe that everything in life is fated.. wat is meant to be urs will be urs.. what that is not, it might still happen but it will either occur too early or too late..

my beloved angel and devil, though both of u are mutually exclusive ideas, i strongly believe that u love me.. and both of u want the best for me..

it is ok.. i understand this happens due to fate.. when i looked into the mirror, i saw a reflection of someone who is cursed to damnation..

and worse, i am not that attractive i think i am.. cos he just cannot see me..

regards
Your Most Faithful Mortal

Dearest Mortal,
Don't you know that you are not supposed to feel anything for anyone?

Please be rational and stop being silly!

Thing that will NEVER happen will NEVER happen.

And didn't you promise not to feel anything for anyone anymore le ma?

Please honour your promise.

Regards
Your Angel

___________________________________________________________

Dearest Mortal,

It has been a long time that you feel something le. He is now belong to someone else. But there is an opportunity that you can make him yours.

Dear Mortal, don't you know that u are very attractive? Be confident and snatch him from her.

And dearest Mortal, what is a promise? Promise is never meant to be kept anyway? Why do u want to be restrained by promises? It is YOUR life. You have the right to live your life to the fullest!

Regards
Your Devil

after walking 命中主定我爱你, i have a very unrealistic illusion.. this illusion was gone for about 1 week.. and then it returned.. it seems like my life is getting back to normal soon.. i really love myself for making the correct move =)

anyway, somehow i believe that people are bounded by fate.. and fate predestined life.. my blog entries always revolve about protrayal of fate in a very negative manner.. however, this time round, i shall protray fate in a positive manner..

when u are fated to be with someone, u will meet him.. however, whether he has appeared will very much depends on ur instinct.. when paths u and him cross, u are in a dilemma.. u wonder if he likes u or if u could like him.. yup yup..

i m too sleepy now.. shall update more abt this tmr.. hahaha..

very happy these few days!! =)

last tue and wed were full of turbulence.. going through emotional roller coaster and i never thought that thing could have an unexpected change.. my happiness returned to me on thursday.. and i was full of happiness when gg for work.. and i met 蔡小弟.. he is so damn funny lor.. i wonder if i met him on tue or wed, would my life be slightly happier.. anyway i cannot stop smiling when i see him.. especially early in the morning..

anyway, i always tin that 小鲍 in 溏心风暴 is very pitiful.. he is a guardian angel of 常在心 but she is deeply in love with Alfred.. though he even get together with her.. i find it very sad.. she eventually chose him is due to Alfred's demise.. if Alfred is still alive, she will definitely be with Alfred, not 小鲍.. however, M is very optimistic.. he feels that it is not necessary for the bf/gf of someone u like to die, before u have the chance to be with that person u like.. he said that sometimes, waiting for the person to be free again is just enough..

haiz.. sometimes it takes alot of courage for u to like someone who is presently in a r/s.. and sometimes u would lose faith in urself and wonder if his attention towards u is to spite his gf.. wat am i talking abt? diaoz..

anyway, my life is getting back to normal.. i prayed that nothing would go wrong.. i am waiting for the time to come.. i need to lead a normal life.. nevertheless i am looking fowards to next week..

anyway, sometimes paths do converge.. however, the convergence normally lasted for a very short period.. and then paths diverge to the extent that the paths can never meet each other again.. it is very important to know that convergence only lasted for a little moment.. the convergence will end next week and we will be two unrelated strangers on the long winding road in this universe.. really wished that thing that happened today can happen again.. on mon, tue, wed, and thurs..

i love the sea.. i really love the sea..

wa.. recently i was going through an emotional roller coaster.. i have told myself not to believe in anything the martians told me cos martians are only capable of lying through their big fat teeth..

so i have more faith in the venus.. got alot of misunderstanding.. then to make thing worse, xx is trying to force me to make certain decisions that i m trying to delay.. haiz.. in the end, i transferred all my frustrations and negativity to xx.. anyway, the misunderstanding was only cleared late afternoon today.. the whole misunderstanding started last week..

anyway, i glad that the misunderstanding was considered to be sucessfully settled.. maybe i need another 2 weeks time.. before everything is confirmed.. and u know wat? i might be able to see the sea everyday.. i really love the sea.. the vastness of the sea is just so impressive.. i like it when it is dark at night.. to stand in front of the sea and the wind is blowing toward my PRETTY (=P) face.. the cooling wind would bring my thoughts away.. mindlessness is the ideal state one can ever attain..

anyway.. i was so pissed with that martian.. i have declared "war" with him.. i have decided to treat it as a transparent object.. and another martian, i am sorry i don't feel like talking to him.. from the way he do his job, i tin he sucks.. imagine everyone trying to help clean his ass today.. anyway i have grown quite close to a martian recently.. he is someone who i tin is not very 讨人厌.. but he is leaving soon.. i wonder who will be sitting beside me soon.. for weird reason, i hope the martian won't leave.. never mind la.. maybe is just some habit..