so confused..huifang is so confused recently.. myraid of contradicting feelings overwhelmed my mind.. very troublesome.. not very nice feeling.. i just knew whatever i wanted will not happen.. but i am still kidding myself that it is possible.. i felt so stupid..

why is everything so difficult ne? haiz.. i am very disgusted by my own cowardice.. damn it..

how can i be more serious when i am with someone i like? and how to identify if he is the someone i like? can someone write an standard operating procedure?

story of a poor apple..

an apple is forced to be an orange.. so in the end, the apple tastes like an orange.. so now, people faulted the apple for not being an apple but an orange instead..

is life fair? my god.. are u guilty of this?

oh my, someone asked me to be his gf.. so i was puzzled cos he is alr attached.. he said that it is ok because he can see both me and her at the same time.. he also mentioned that he will not break up with his gf.. unfaithfulness before marriage..

someone asked me if he could go out with me.. he mentioned that his wife working schedule is quite different.. so there are times his wife not around in sg.. so he asked if he could go out with me when she is not around.. sent me flirty smses as well.. unfaithfulness during marriage..

probably it is not guys' fault for being unfaithful.. rather, we should blame it on their gene.. their genes contains the unfaithful segment that resulted in their unfaithfulness..

and worst, what if ur fren's bf also tried to hit on u as well? damn it..

i donno what kind of image i am projecting to guys.. i used to like fun.. but now, i already 看破红尘.. my heart is already dead le.. really.. recently i thought someone could revive my heart but he seems reluctant to be mine.. i wonder what has actually transpired between us.. our r/s became enstranged.. does it really matter if we do thing that is not really socially acceptable? or we are just unsure if we really want to commit a social crime?? why can't our love conquer all difficulties?? maybe like what he said, 真的没有缘分.. but i knew he love me.. forget it.. stupid him..

haiz.. actually i wanted to blog previously.. but somehow i was too tired after writing one sentence and then i went to sleep..

oh ya, i have finished my work and i thought i was able to be more relax and do thing for one of my committee stuff then in the end, i got another thing to do which is due in mar.. sianz half..

anyway there are alot of hatre living within me.. i wonder how i could free all these hatre.. probably i didnt try hard enough..

and there are thing that i m very scared of.. sometimes i dont want to get something because i am scared of losing it.. if u started off with something and ended up with nothing, it will be pretty sad.. but if u started off with nothing to begin with, then i think it will be less sad..

oh ya, anyway it is so disappointing that my life is already pre-determined.. i must not feel sad.. sad or happy u still got to live.. right?

my previous job impacted alot on my life.. i used to be so tamed before working in that dumm dumm bank but after all the shit that happened there and all the hopeless shitty event that happens in the past, i decided to kill my heart.. a dead object can no longer feel pain..

today i was at a board.. my heart felt something.. and it is weird as my heart was supposed to be dead.. not very sure if it is a good news cos my heart felt sadness..
my heart can now feel sadness but not other emotions.. and this is indeed sad..

there is someone at work who i enjoy hanging out with.. he is intelligent and knowledgeable.. i hate stupid guys.. esp stupid guys who announced to every ah cat ah dog that they were previously from top JCs.. little did they know that they are tarnishing the reputation of the school.. it simply project to pple that pple fr top JCs can be a stupid ass as well..

whatever that happened in the past just refused to hide in a tiny corner of my heart.. and again, i can never empathise with people who wants to make me jobless in the first place.. u must be that darn asshole who caused me to be sad.. damn you!! all the sadness that you feel is none of my business.. i think that i have alr done alot by not rubbing salt to your wound..

yeah.. i woke up at 10am today!! i m so happy cos tis is the first time i could sleep peacefully..

these few days were very peaceful.. working is so fun with my colleague =) anyway i really cannot stand naggy guys at all.. there is no reason why i shld sympathise when that same person tried to deprive me of a chance!!

anyway, today is the start of the unpeaceful life.. damn it.. how i wish everything can remain status quo.. the start of nagginess and self-pitiness is very irritating since that same person never wanted me in the first place.. it was due to miracle that thing happens in another way and i was wanted.. but this entire episode is too disgusting and it really pisses me off.. i hate to be a second choice..

sometimes i hope my colleagues are not ard so i can go eat with the nsfs.. it is more interesting to eat with them cos they are super bo liaoz and very entertaining =) anyway, i felt a sense of closeness with someone.. it is quite confusing as i tot my heart was dead alr.. this sense of closeness is so special.. but i doubt that this is mutual.. oh ya, whatever..

i've memory loss.. i forgot people.. sigh.. is it cos of habit that whatever my two colleagues are not ard, i will automatically look for this person.. or i just dont know that i got 2 new persons who i can turn to.. anyway, this also shows that this particular person is not a spare tyre ba..

anyway i just dont give a damn abt thing tt is very complicated.. for heaven sake's, i need a simple life..

i already submitted myself to fate.. i understand fate has been very unfair to me.. i am alr tired of changing my fate.. it is really not possible la..

haiz....... i wonder what i have done at work leh.. si beh sianz.. super unproductive.. cos of training at gombak in the morning.. haiz..

anyway ta ma de.. i accidentally deleted all the songs on my ipod.. damn..