A world with me and myself.
Who am i?

Huifang
A girl




What i feel



Everyone has a soulmate, who is simply just yourself.

Life's just a meaningless joke. Probably because word is free, so the people just say whatever they want even if they don't mean it. But fret not, thou shalt lose no hope, for thou still have thyself. Thyself shalt always stay true and faithful and never will let lies pass through thy lips...

Life's just all about external excellence. Worship your physical temple, they proclaim... But fret not, thou still have thyself... There's still a soulmate in this world who does not despise your tangible externality.

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    Saturday, 30 January 2010



    i just feel that i need to vent.. i m dying le.............

    haiz............. i wonder why all bad things are happening to me? all the bad things are happening to me.. everything was wrong from the day i was borned.. i was fed with excessive food and hence i grow big and fat.. suposedly i shld feel happy eating alot of food but the food that i eat most of the time are not food i like to eat.. damn it.. hence, i have learnt to be murderous when someone suggests some place i dont like to eat.. i'd rather not go for the outing or wat.. i hate to compromise.. what is the point of compromising? compromise to eat what i dislike to eat, what i dislike to do..

    the root is that nobody give a damn of one's character.. it is too tangible and human being just dont give a damn for thing that they cannot see..

    anyway i was quite looking forward to course last week cos i tot i could eat the naan near the camp.. i mean i wont want to go to that place specially for the naan cos it is quite out of the way.. in the end, no one rmb i want to eat at that place and we instead ate at some other place =(

    forget it la.. i just knew it.. how could it be possible that people rmb that i want to eat naan ne? it is alrighty.. it is not the first time le.. whatever i want i simply not fated to get de la.. tmd..

    i dont want to marry a loser.. it is better to be single than to marry a loser.. because when i want to satisfy my craving of naan, i will have to go alone be it single or married.. and the worst might be my husband would even want me to pay for him.. then isnt it better to be single and then have a toy boy? at least u tell him u want to eat naan, he would never force u to go eat laska instead and then expects u to pay cos he would nag that married couple should not be so particular about who is paying for what.. shit.. isnt married life worse than a prostitute?

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    ¤Take it easy... C'est la vie..¤

    Thursday, 28 January 2010


    i just feel my life is going to a waste =(

    i need a life......... sobz............................

    ¤Take it easy... C'est la vie..¤

    Wednesday, 27 January 2010


    finally accomplished something today =) orientation is just a waste of time =(

    anyway sometimes i wonder if certain thing are already fated from the day i was borned?

    haiz.. sometimes i wonder if i shld just live with wat i have......................

    and now i cried in the middle of the night for the same damn thing..
    because of you i tried my hardest just to forget everything..
    because of you i donno how to let anyone else in..

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    ¤Take it easy... C'est la vie..¤

    Tuesday, 26 January 2010


    haiz.. i suspected something then i realised that this suspicion is wrong.. stupid huifang..

    ¤Take it easy... C'est la vie..¤

    Sunday, 24 January 2010


    i am away from work since last fri.. went to an orientation program.. waste time leh.. very sianz..

    but then the instructor shared with us a story that nearly brought me to tear.. the story is as follow:

    birds always fly in a v-shaped path.. according to aeromechanic, the first bird that leads the group has to flap its wings with full force, however, the birds behind them only flap their wings with only 25% of their original force.. in this way, the birds flying behind the leading birds can conserve alot of energy..

    ever wonder why birds honk when they fly? they are actually communicating with the leading bird.. if the birds honk, the leading bird will honk back to tell the birds that everything is ok to it.. but when the birds honk and the leading bird do not honk, the birds knows that the leading bird is not well and one of the bird will come forth to replace the leading bird and so it no longer has to lead and so can conserve some energy..

    when one of the birds flying behind is sick, for eg injured its wing, and hence, it is falling down.. 2 birds from the group will fly to the sick bird to take care of the bird..

    i nearly teared.. how could birds be so selfless? can human be that selfless as well? human will never lead unless there is some fruitful returns.. and confirm plus chop that human will never lead if they do not benefit from it.. if human could fly, they will take the v-shaped path when flying in group cos there is simply no one who will be that leader who has to expense that 75% energy more..

    lest to mention if one of the teammate is sick.. if that teammate is crucial to him, he will arrow two person to take care of the sick one.. he has to arrow cos they prefer to fly behind the leader using only 25% of the energy and don't give a damn..

    sometimes i wonder the difference between birds and humans is that humans has higher IQ than birds.. sometimes i cannot help but to observe that IQ is one of the root cause for moral degradtion..

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    ¤Take it easy... C'est la vie..¤

    Thursday, 21 January 2010


    damn it.. really at my threshold le.. donno why i have endless thing to do....... can u believe this?

    i am too sleepy le.. save me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    haiz............. i have became more and more absent minded recently.. =(

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    ¤Take it easy... C'est la vie..¤

    Sunday, 17 January 2010


    oh went to dye and cut and treat and perm my hair.. whahahah.. but just tt the perm is temporary.. only 1 day perm.. and the best part is tt it is free!!!!!!!!!! yeah!!

    nearly quarrelled with the hairdresser just now.. dont know why he freakingly dye half of my head and leave me there to do other thing.. was so pissed that i asked loudly why i was treated in this manner.. hey right now i m pretty le, there is no ground for anyone to treat me unfairly.. in the past when i was 105kg, i had to accept all the shitty treatment pple give me but now i dont tin it is reasonable anymore.. i have shed alot of weigh and my social status has increased.. this is NOT a way to treat me.. in the past, i have no rights.. now i have rights and so i shld be treated like a human, not like a pig..

    i realised nobody cares if u have inner beauty.. they care more if u have external beauty.. so now i am pretty.. just freakingly find trouble with me.. shit you..

    if u want to criticise my dressing or my appearance, u better make sure ur style is way above mine before criticising me.. else, i might ask u to pee so that the pee can reflect ur ugly dressing/appearance for u to see.. i just cannot stand a very ugly person who wear those tady 3 for $10 long sleeve shirt and claimed that i do not have any dressing sense.. this makes my blood boils..

    if i am not pretty or i do not know how to dress well, how did i manage to land a banking job? use ur brain before u criticise my appearance.. i don't mind criticism unless u really do dressed better than me.. for my current job, everyone dressed like shit.. so no one at work have the rights to criticise my dressing or appearance..

    anyway i must read some useful thing before i sleep.. need to improve my knowledge.. =x

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    ¤Take it easy... C'est la vie..¤



    oh damn.. that bitch just had her bdae.. damn i just hate it when i see her facebook update..

    when will she die? she can still celebrate her bdae.. bitch like her shouldnt be living..

    anyway a changi colleague hung the phone on me.. wth.. i was so pissed.. i kena so so many arrows, i should be more stressed than him.. cannot understand why he is more stressed than me..

    anyway i am not supposed to be treated very badly.. i have already spent so much effort to slim down to my current size.. in the past i was badly and unfairly discriminated due to my ugly physical appearance.. now that i have became prettier, i cannot tolerate any form of bad treatment by anyone..

    esp guys better be nice to me.. i am not supposed to be treated that way anymore.. i've put in so much pains to make myself pretty.. so treat me nicely.. shallow males!!

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    ¤Take it easy... C'est la vie..¤

    Friday, 15 January 2010


    bad mood..

    damn it.. i felt so sad recently.. i wonder why my life is getting useless and useless.. i cannot see any purpose in life.. i tried to find one beside being a doctor.. but i cannot.. i m a lost sheep.. without a direction in life is like a body without soul =(

    everyone only lives for themselves and their spouse and children..

    this is such a sad world.. and the sadder is tt i m a clueless and hopeless person living each day without any direction in life.. it is sad..

    i wonder what is my purpose in life?

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    ¤Take it easy... C'est la vie..¤



    haiz.. i want to eat indian curry, naan and that smiley face donut =(

    and sometimes u just know tt certain thing are not possible.. sigh..

    haiz.. it's just lidat.. sigh sigh sigh..

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    ¤Take it easy... C'est la vie..¤

    Tuesday, 12 January 2010


    anyway i really cannot stand those changi pple.. i donno what the hell they are busy with.. we supplied them with data but they are very busy.. wat r they busy with? sianz..

    anyway tin the arrows stop coming in at least for a little while.. haha..

    sometimes i tin i am a very confused person.. i have decided that what i thought is lidat cannot be true and can never be true.. i am a perfectionist my heart cannot be trusted.. this cannot be true u know..

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    ¤Take it easy... C'est la vie..¤

    Monday, 11 January 2010


    huifang is just so damn pissed today at work.. i cannot believe my boss did stupid thing.. forget it..

    it is this disgusting feeling that really pissed me off.. damn it damn it damn it.. damn it..

    anyway i have decided to heck care my boss.. it really pisses me off when he gives unhelpful comments.. if he cannot do something and he needs my help, stop telling me what to do cos if he cant do it means he donno how to do it..

    certain people in life is just jealous of u and trying to pull u down.. beware of such idiot!!

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    ¤Take it easy... C'est la vie..¤

    Sunday, 10 January 2010


    sometimes u know u met someone u like but somehow it is not physiologically possible.. and sometimes u r just so confused.. isnt love blind? so how does "physiologically impossible" comes into the beautiful portrait of love? it is the fault of this very ugly society.. damn it.. why must all of us observe the ridiculous rules of the society? so in another word, at the point of birth, u and him were never be meant to be.. or rather, way before u r born, when u r just a fertilised zygote, u r never meant to be with him due to the genetic material that u inherit from ur dear parents..

    my fren was shocked when she saw a tall gal holding the hand of a guy, a head shorter than her.. she started to comment.. due to horrendous past experience, it is so hard for me to fall in love again.. but then when u tot u spotted someone u like, the past came to haunt u.. the past came to remind u of that u and him are physiologically impossible..

    love can be regardless of race, languauge and religion. but not height..

    in the past when i was 103kg, the society told me that once i lost weight, i will be able to be with someone i like. now i have lost weight, but the society patted my shoulder for my effort but told me that height is the greatest barrier to any relationship.. the society lied to me previously because the society tot that i will never lose weight..

    sometimes i touch my heart but i felt nothing..

    though i can't feel human, but then i can feel food.. ytd i finally ate those naans and curry.. my level of satifaction was 60%.. but it is quite sad that i could not eat the fish head curry.. haiz.. sometimes i wish i could have a soulmate who love what i love.. a soulmate who want to do what i want to do.. someone who will never remind u tt he do it JUST for u.. i dont want anyone to do it just for me cos guys will bring this kind of shitty thing out in a quarrel..

    anyway it is pointless to do or say anything now.. because every entity in life has to abide by the law of this shitty society.. and way before we are borned, we are fated that we cannot be with someone due to our physiological incompatibility.. so.. there is no point to fight.. cos this is a losing war..

    everything is pre-destined.. forget it.. let's just wait for thing to happen.. i mean bad thing for me to be exact.. =(

    damn, i want to eat that fish head curry..

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    ¤Take it easy... C'est la vie..¤

    Tuesday, 5 January 2010


    huifang, i pronounced u emotionless..

    i donno why i became so emotionless this day.. i am really devoid of emotion.. i cannot feel others pain, i can only feel mine..

    haiz.. maybe after so many painful experiences, my threshold for pain has increased to super high level.. now i see alot of thing i no feeling liaoz..

    i have no feeling towards any single matter on earth.. so is a person without the capacity to feel anymore considered as a zombie? it looks like.. cos my fangs has grown longer each day.. donno why like tt hor?

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    ¤Take it easy... C'est la vie..¤

    Sunday, 3 January 2010


    i really had enough..

    these few days of holidays shld be for me to rest well and relax so that i can tackle all my arrows when the holidays end.. i cannot believe that i didnt enjoy my holidays at all.. i just need peace but what i get is screaming and shouting.. damn it..

    it leads me to give up.. i dont understand why i need to be nice to someone to get screaming and shouting in return, esp during a once-in-a-while holidays.. damn it.. it was so torturous.. i shall just stop buying food and thing le.. she must have thought that i do not have better way to spend my $$ that is why i bought thing for her.. damn it.. just now i went to have dinner at my neighborhood, i saw a very plain-looking lady carrying my dream bag.. i wanted to buy at sales but it was still far too expensive after discounts.. damn it, there are also so many thing i want to buy as well..

    i hate it.. this yr my bonus is pro-rated.. damn.. it all boils down to that my bitchy ex boss.. i wonder why there are so many people who passed away each day but she never die.. haiz.. anyway i must save up for my retirement.. my tall height is gg to hinder me to get someone i like.. for eg, i tin i saw someone who fits my criterias.. but he is shorter than me.. which i don't mind.. but i tin he minds..

    i just hate my ex boss.. she deprived me of a chance to earn big bucks.. she is a bitch.. she always placed me at those showflats where there is no much units left, while she scheduled all my colleagues to those popular and hot showflats where many transactions are going on.. and when the sales at those popular showflats slow down, then she will schedule me there.. damn it.. she only knew how to use me..

    she is the most horrible person i have ever seen in my entire life.. and wat r friends? i was frantically looking for jobs after i left that sucky place, those could have helped chose to ignore me.. oh, this is what i called fren.. the most sucky thing being someone said that i am not suited to do sales but she referred all sales job to me.. so disgusting..

    and then i found someone who fits my criteria.. he is an overseas scholar.. super eligible.. but as he was shorter than me and i tin he minds.. so whenever i look at him, i tell myself that this is not possible and i shall not harbor any foolish thoughts.. so what if i know that he can be my one.. i should know that he will never want to be mine.. it is alr so hard to find someone u like, why do u still want to impose such stupid height criteria ne? not that i dont have confidence leh.. is that guys really do mind.. sianz..

    this is just a crazy world.. help!!! get me out of here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is such a scary place!!! everyone on this world judge people by appearance.. and so the ugly will be the cruel stepmother while the pretty the princess in distress who will meet her prince and live happily ever after.. this is a crazy world..

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    ¤Take it easy... C'est la vie..¤



    today is the second day of new yr.. tmr i will be going back to work =) i am getting more and more workaholic.. whahaha.. currently i kena one arrow again but i like this arrow, cannot wait to start working on it..

    even since i started working.. i kena so many different kind of thing.. my pri job is to do promotion.. but i need to PR, event organisation, secretarial and also IT related thing.. i cannot believe the thing i was told to do were fr different varying diverse fields.. and i was told to do when i am barely 2+ months into my job.. wahahahaa..

    anyway, i like the feeling of staying late in office without anyone ard except me.. i like to challenge my brain to force it to work beyond normal working capacity.. brain cells degenerate very fast if we stop using it.. by far my biggest satisafaction to date was to finish preparing my ranking file and also minutes for my branch on the same night.. i didnt know i can be so efficient =)

    i am gg to stock some maggie mee in my office.. anyway, my colleague just refused to grant me 24 hr access to intranet.. i told him if i kena more arrows and he still dont want to grant me, i will have to bypass him.. wahhahaha.. anyway i want to test my limit.. i want to try doing more thing in a night.. yippee..

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    ¤Take it easy... C'est la vie..¤

    Friday, 1 January 2010


    new yr resolution

    new yr new feel.. i am quite excited abt 2010.. i am excited abt my new job.. anyway, i feel that as i become prettier, my temper becomes uglier.. i expect special treatments fr people cos of my pretty face.. i spent so much effort on it.. wahahaa..

    anyway, my aim is to meet someone who can give me a military wedding.. actually i have met someone very eligible.. but then he is slightly shorter than me.. i wonder if it is possible.. he is also gg sailing a few days later to march.. i believe that there must be fate between people for a r/s to start.. but then sometimes it just need that little initiative for everything to start.. anyway, forget it, he is too eligible le.. oh my, i tin i have a soft spot for overseas scholar =) i only want the best.. the ah cat ah dog is too ordinary, i wont want to live with an ordinary man for the rest of my life.. the worst being mistaking an ordinary guy for someone rich or intelligent..

    i want to conduct a talk in the yr 2010.. yesh.. i am scheduling something this jan.. recently i kena tonnes of arrows but since i kena, i might just do my best.. i also intend for more.. i cannot wait to go work on mon.. trust me cos my new yr resolution might be fulfiled within the first month of 2010.. =)

    i need to control my temper.. as i become prettier, my status is rising =P so i m expecting more fr people.. esp guys.. i m ignored for so many yrs due to my overweigh body.. now is payback time.. but then i felt guilty towards some guys.. fyi, i m only evil to guys la.. and i was so bad to someone but then he still opened car door for me.. i mean this guy is just doing a gentlemanly act but it has been a long time anyone ever open car door for me le.. but then i am still v evil to him..

    i must maintian my weigh or decrease my wt in 2010.. the slimmer i am the better my life will be..

    anyway, i got this very strong feeling that i will marry an officer in the military.. cos i want a military wedding =)

    i must also prepare myself emotionally as i can see that my place will be threatened.. haiz............................. but then an end might not be a bad thing as it could also mean a new beginning..

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    ¤Take it easy... C'est la vie..¤