it is weird.. how come i got this quite strong feeling that someone might like me..

hmmm.. let's see if he bought that cardholder for me.. hmmm.. wait a moment.. if he likes me, he would have known my bdae ya? i mean like he has access to my biodata.. so if he cares, he would have known my birthdate and did something special for me ya?

hmmm.. my colleague has been hinting to me on that.. but then i think is better to shrug it away.. if a guy likes a gal, he will never forget her bdae..

i just feel that i need to vent.. i m dying le.............

haiz............. i wonder why all bad things are happening to me? all the bad things are happening to me.. everything was wrong from the day i was borned.. i was fed with excessive food and hence i grow big and fat.. suposedly i shld feel happy eating alot of food but the food that i eat most of the time are not food i like to eat.. damn it.. hence, i have learnt to be murderous when someone suggests some place i dont like to eat.. i'd rather not go for the outing or wat.. i hate to compromise.. what is the point of compromising? compromise to eat what i dislike to eat, what i dislike to do..

the root is that nobody give a damn of one's character.. it is too tangible and human being just dont give a damn for thing that they cannot see..

anyway i was quite looking forward to course last week cos i tot i could eat the naan near the camp.. i mean i wont want to go to that place specially for the naan cos it is quite out of the way.. in the end, no one rmb i want to eat at that place and we instead ate at some other place =(

forget it la.. i just knew it.. how could it be possible that people rmb that i want to eat naan ne? it is alrighty.. it is not the first time le.. whatever i want i simply not fated to get de la.. tmd..

i dont want to marry a loser.. it is better to be single than to marry a loser.. because when i want to satisfy my craving of naan, i will have to go alone be it single or married.. and the worst might be my husband would even want me to pay for him.. then isnt it better to be single and then have a toy boy? at least u tell him u want to eat naan, he would never force u to go eat laska instead and then expects u to pay cos he would nag that married couple should not be so particular about who is paying for what.. shit.. isnt married life worse than a prostitute?

haiz.. i want to eat indian curry, naan and that smiley face donut =(

and sometimes u just know tt certain thing are not possible.. sigh..

haiz.. it's just lidat.. sigh sigh sigh..

today i cleared my deepavali off.. very shiok.. =)

but i sort of miss my cookhouse food and i wonder if the MO knew that i didnt come to work today.. haiz.. sometimes i wonder why cant the MO talk to me ne? just say a little hi to me will die meh? haiz................ he didnt know if he say hi i will flash my best smile and say hi to him as well ma? haiz.................

i went to dye my hair and bought alot of clothes today.. 2 dresses, 3 blouses, 1 skirt, 1 tee shirt, 1 belt.. the feeling is shiok.. esp when they are cheap.. the blouse is only $15 each.. the saying each dog will have its day seems to be true.. cos doggy huifang seems to be able to buy cheap clothes.. cos now i got a change in policy towards buying clothes.. there is an additional term to the policy which says the clothes must also be cheap..

actually today i wanted to eat ba chor mee and read newspaper at a coffeeshop but i need to settle some family matter in the morning so bo bian.. but then recently i have gained weight, i dont really have the courage to eat lard-rich ba chor mee.. cowardly me..

i want to go JB and check out price of chanel foundation and eat the road side zi char.. yummy :)

i just bought bread with kaya and butter from bakery.. wow i got craving for it but there is no bakery that sell this so i cant have it for dinner.. nevertheless i went somewhere else to buy and the bread is now lying peacefully on my dining table and when the day breaks, i will break fast and the bread will then lie peacefully in my stomach.. *amen*

i am totally exhausted today.. damn.. but it is quite satisfying.. u know it is great to get acknowledgement email from my big boss cos at least she knows that i am alive and kicking.. i m so scared she donno my presence..

anyway, i always find myself in a very awkward position in life.. because of my big body frame and height.. thank god i got a pretty face.. or i really can go and die le..

i just dont like changi food lor.. sianz half.. but then it is free.. far better than wasting $5 on lunch right? those $$ can be saved for more clothes!! hahaa.. cheapo me..

working my job brings me close to human nature.. i am so disappointed each time when i see the true color of many people.. they are not they seems they are.. this is quite frightening.. sometimes i wonder if i were to marry a guy.. he appears to be a very nice husband and father but then i wonder if he is a backstabber or someone who manipulate thing at the end of my back.. this thought just sent a chill down my spine.. this world is so cold..

anyway, everyday i will curse that bitch who caused me to suffer for so many months before getting a job.. the r/s between this bitch and her bf was previously strained but i am not sure if it has been restored.. from all the actions of the 30+year old bitch, i can see that her bf means the whole world to her.. everyday i curse that her bf will eventually leave her and this will make her world shatter and hopefully she will kill herself.. her existence in this world is inflicting unnecessary pain on many innocent people.. i will never forget to curse her at least once a day.. she is a bitch who has made me lost abt $20K.. shit her.. if murder is not a crime, i would have killed her long time ago.. but too bad, i wont want to waste my future over such bitch.. this bitch is simply not worth my bright future.. anyway when i flipped to the obituary, i was anticipating to see her photo there.. i hope that the law of nature can just exterminate her existence from the surface of this earth.. to be honest, her mere presence on earth is bringing me horror and bad memories.. i guess the only way to end this is (a) her bf marry someone and leave her totally heartbroken and shattered and thus wasted her life away, (b) to remove her presence on earth.. either one would be ideal.. i hate her to the core.. i will never forget to curse her everyday.. i believe in curses.. especially cursing bitches like her!!

Anyway, was gorging myself with mooncakes.. i never liked snow skin mooncake and i thought never in my life will i be gorging myself with tonnes of snow skin mooncakes.. life changed.. recently there is this very unique snow skin mooncakes.. i loved it so much.. i have already swallowed 3 mooncakes.. never in my life did i swallow more than 3 snow skin mooncakes! it is interesting.. it gives me deep insights..

i wonder if i should now be contented with my life.. or should i ask for more.. i wonder why i dont feel contented.. i thought that i will be contented if i got the job i want.. now that i got the job i want, i realised that i want more.. i want more from this job.. i donno la.. why is it that i am always asking for more ne? actually i havent gone to the sea and enjoy the sea breeze.. i guessed i am too stressed.. i need to learn to relax and enjoy the sea breeze.. oh ya, i wonder wat is for lunch this mon.. i hope there is crispy fries.. i like fries=) or not.. i hope there is no crispy fries.. i dont want to grow fat..

will be going changi for quite a number of times in Nov.. sianz.. so far.. but then, heard that changi food is fantastic.. so on the brighter note, i can try =)

i am quite busy these days.. next week is as bad.. but cos of responsibility, i can only release my responsibility 2 weeks later.. si beh sianz.. damn!!

recently i have grown fatter.. due to a sudden increase in my happiness index.. damn.. when i am happy, i let myself go wild.. i give myself opportunity to indulge in sinnful food.. they are not chocolate, cakes or pastries.. i have great love in chocolate, cakes or pastries, however, i have not attained the stage when i am able to overcome my fear of growing extremely fat.. rather i indulge recently in carbo rich food, like noodles, rices, fried oily stuff..

food is just endophrine.. my happiness index escalates whenever i sink my teeth into delicious food.. i like the fried carrot cake, the nasi lemak, porridge with century egg & pork, fried rice, old chang kee ngoh hiang, mushroom chicken balls, fried chicken wings, cake history golden triangle, mr bean's soya beans milk with pearls and their tarts, luncheon meat..

however, recently i have some disappointments.. i have intense craving for pasta, linguine to be specific.. so my first try was at pizza hut, i forgot to request for linguine and fusilini came, i nearly fainted.. it was so yucky.. then the second try was at this newly open italian cafe at suntec.. it is a wonder that they do not have linguine so i just made do with spagehetti.. i was so curious how did they manage to create such yucky seafood manirana that is supposedly idiot proof.. there are many oil bubbles floating on the sauce.. luckily the companion, my dear MY and EN are fun people.. which is not the case for my companion for the pizza hut thing.. i swear i will never go out with him anymore!! it is a promise to myself that i will keep to it..

anyway, i am still beaming with happiness.. i m looking forward to the shokudo's pasta.. i am craving for their pasta, jap curry pork chop rice and their thin crust pizza.. yum yum yum.. i also have craving for the skinny pizza at suntec.. pork rib at changing appetite.. carl junior burger.. i also want to eat a big plate of finger food, must have ngoh hiang, sandwich, all kind of fried balls, nugget, potato wedge, taiwanese sausage..

nevertheless i was wondering what is for lunch on tue? i love my work place.. cos of the uncertainty of the food they will serve and i can only just eat what they serve.. it is like dear mummy's cooking.. so unpredictable!! just tt sometimes she will cook something that i really hate to eat and she will force me to eat them.. for instance, daddy and mummy love to eat celery but i just find it so yucky, and she will cook them and force me to eat.. but until now i still hate celery =P anyway, because of my dear mummy, i learn to appreciate pumpkin, bringal, lady finger, rice dumpling (yes i really hate it in the past), fried yam, fried sweet potato, fried carrot cake and yam cake, butter cake, all sort of pastries.. my daddy has not so much influence on me.. cos he is not the cook.. but he likes to eat sweet potato soup and initially i hate that as well, now i like it very much!!

how can i learn to love to eat celery ne? haiz.. i am totally put off by the yucky smell.. so pungent.. up till now, even if i eat, i need to pinch my nose and then shove the celery fast into my mouth and then briefly chew and swallow fast, followed by a big mouthful of water to wash down the pungent smell.. i guess i must try harder to love celery as well ba.. i want to love to eat celery..

now that mummy no longer cooks, i really hope that someday she can cook again.. maybe sambal bringal, curry chicken, onion omelette, braised pig heart, and her killer ngoh hiang!! then can be followed by butter cake.. her cake is very buttery.. i never do not dare to see the baking process because i forsee that she added in alot of butter and sugar.. i'll feel guilty..

anyway, damn it.. i guess i m mad abt food.. siao..
i have grown fatter.. i pray i will stop gorging tmr onwards..