Saturday, 25 August 2007
wa.. i felt so exhuasted on a Satursday.. *faint* i wonder wat went wrong.. was my body infected by lazyworm? everything was so blurry.. all i want is to retreat to la la land.. god, wat is wrong? time is running out.. and i still have endless reading to do..
to kill a cockroach, u use pesticide..
to kill a rat, u use rat poison..
but i m absolutely clueless to what i can use to kill the lazyworm lying in my body.. i only have some anti-biotics at home but it is not a bacteria, so i cannot use anti-biotics..
oh no.. save me.. the whole great piles of reading is going to fall onto me.. i cannot let it happen.. cos being crushed to death by papers is not a glamourous method to die.. in fact, i find it quite embarassing instead..
Friday, 24 August 2007
wow.. i felt so so exhuasting each day.. reporting to lab everyday.. 4 modules.. i understand that taking 4 modules is equivalent to suicide.. but i really have my reason for doing that.. i dont have to convince anyone why i taking 4 modules.. cos it is simply not their business.. and i dont think they care, they just need some topic for "small talk"..
oh yeah.. recently felt quite worried abt something (confidential =x) .. hahaha.. thank to people who picked up my call.. i understand this semester is a super busy semester.. thank for taking time to calm me down.. =)
oh ya.. let me talk abt my day today..
went to lab at 9am.. mentor not here so chatted with my beloved daisy until 9.30am.. mentor came, then worked in lab until 1230 or so.. kw came lab to find me cos i didnt answer her call (cos i silent it.. hahha.. i want to concentrate on my reaction).. it is interesting to know how she found my lab.. i never told her where my lab is.. kw asked if i want to lunch tgt with her and km.. but i was halfway tro my reaction, so i asked them to go eat first.. then i quickly wrapped up everything.. to my surprise, both of them didnt pick up my call!!!!!!!!!!!! i combed the whole canteen but i cannot find them.. with some weirdy thoughts on my mind, i then ate alone..
then somehow we managed to meet up and crapz..
then i went to lab until 530am.. then rested in office for 30mins and then went library helped kw find her journal articles..
haiz.. wat a day......
lab will continue to haunt me.. haiz.. everytime i do my honor project, i feel like filing for graduation.. haiz..
oh ya, so i was crapping with daisy.. after sci lower its CAP to 3.5 for admission to honor, so many people now can take up honor.. so why nt lower it to 3? so that it will be easier to get A...... hahahahahahhaha...
Sunday, 19 August 2007
yeh.. new semester.. hahhaa..
i really enjoy going lectures!! i m not crazy.. becos i find gg lab more draining..
ever since i started labbing since june, i have been waiting for lecture to come.. esp my german class.. gg lecture is simply a relaxing thing to do.. in addition, german is real fun!! and yeah!! german class will start tmr!!!! i can't wait to go school tmr!!! yipeeeeee!!!
haiz.. there seems to be endless thing to do for my honour project.. and i m not done with my literature review.. cos the journal readings are all so dense.. in 1 day, the most i can read is just 3 articles.. the least? 1 article.. i m sure that there is nothing wrong with my english proficiency.. it is just too technical.. and i often have tonnnes of question marks floating around in my head and i spend quite some time thinkinng abt the articles.. sianz..
i will surivive!!!! there is nothing i cannot achieve!!!
because i want an extraordinary life!!! i dont want an ordinary life..
I pray that i will be blessed to be an accomplished person..
I pray that all my mighty dreams can be a reality!!
Thursday, 16 August 2007
growing up doesnt seems a topic that i shld be talking abt now.. because i m no longer 16 or 17 year old teenager le.. BUT haiz..
wat the hell? i really cannot stand bitches!! especially people bitching behind ur back and somehow or another those rumors get into ur ears.. it is utterly disgusting!!!!!!!!!
and i simply hate gathering cos gathering is simply a channel for people to discuss openly something bad about anyone in the major who didnt turn up at the gathering.. speculations!! my god, why can't they just quit school? they thought they know everything!! this person love this person and therefore quarelled with her best friend.. wow so incredible!! just quit school and be a script writer la.. or since they thought they know everything about everyone.. why not they quit school and be a fortune teller instead leh?
making a mountain out of a mole hill seems to be part of the growing process as well.. wow.. so incredible.. this is why i simply abhor gathering.. cos i dont find it pleasant to bitch about people completely based on false speculation and prejudiced perspective..
to all the people who is guilty of this, please stop it.. if somehow nothing goes into ur head, i pray that u will die early.. so that u will not inflict mental torture on people..
disgusting!!
Monday, 13 August 2007
wa seh.. everything went so wrong recently.. i really have no idea why!!!!!!!!
perhaps i have too little courage to do the thing i want to do.. perhaps i took too long a time to decide on wat i want to do.. and nothing will wait for me to make my decision!!!!!!
perhaps i am quite laid back recently cos i was so busy juggling with my FYP and violin and my core modules.. watever it is.. i m so laid back recently..
sometimes people always mistakes me as being arrogant la.. indifference la.. this is incredible lor.. i really do care but my reaction is more subtle.. if i m sad, i wont look gloomy.. if i m worried, i wont be hurrying and keep pestering people or wat.. in another word, i wont look worried.. but i m worried..
ok la.. dont want to give a damn le.. i m who i m..
p/s: i m particularly upset tt i cannot answer a question today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pukes!! huifang u r so stupid!!
Friday, 10 August 2007
sometimes i dont think i even know myself.. sometimes i dont even know why i do certain wrong thing.. perhaps it is not wise to ask too many whys.. because in the game of life, there is simply no reasons for most occurence.. but rather what ruled the game of life might just be easily explained by simple probability we learnt in elementary statistics class..
the chance of a person choosing path 1 rather than path 2 is 50%; likewise the probability of that same person choosing path 2 rather than path 1 is 50%..
i might seem naive to over-simplify the sheer complexity in life without feasible and concrete assumptions.. nevertheless i feel that such thing is happening to my life recently.. and i couldnt believe it either..
thing simply happen for NO reasons.. though i see myself as a level-headed person almost all the time..
recently i lost control of my mind.. weird thoughts kept flooding my mind.. the thoughts were so biazzare to the extent that my puzzled mind were so mentally drained in trying to rationalise the confusion..
recently i lost control of my body.. my limbs would move on its own to execute strange tasks though i promised it was not me who instructed my limbs to do so.. my mouths would utter words (nonsense would be a more accurate word) that i dont even fathom..
i hate this.. why do i lose dominance over my mind and body recently? i simply abhor performing tasks i simply dont know why i m doing!!
perhaps it was my subconscious soul, which truly understands my desires, took control of my body..
i simply cannot comprehend the thing that happened recently.. darn.. can someone tell me what has happened? for i can no longer tolerate the zombie-like life i m leading recently..
it is a silent scream..
Tuesday, 7 August 2007
原来幸福是这么辛苦的
原来幸福是完全不属于我的
haiz.. i really hate today.. i m so tired.. gotta go school for some useless lecture when i m not done with my literature review.. i m so sick of the so called orientation week..
幸福 is eating nice food.. today went to medicine cafe for food.. but the lady at the counter got serious attitude problem.. my god.. we are not in france!!!!!!!!!! or else i would have thought that she is a french!!
幸福 is playing the best tune on my violin but donno wat happen today.. after all those exhausting lectures, i went for my violin class.. and i think i m playing crappy music.. wa.. so upset abt it but i just cannot do anything!! after the lesson, i have almost no energy to drag myself home.. wa seh.. i m so tired..
幸福 is watching tv at home all day or listening to music or just doing nothing.. haiz.. but i forsee that it will never be possible anymore..
my definition of 幸福 is so simple yet i simply cannot achieve it.. i finally believe that wat not meant to be ur will never be urs..
oh ya.. i dont like to be anyone spare tyre.. yeah.. i really mean it..
and i dont like poeple to fly me aeroplane.. yeah.. i really mean it..
i really feel like eating the missy donut's donut.. the reviews show that this stall's donut is good.. but i simply dont like to queue............. sobz.. maybe i will wait until singaporean are sick of the donuts then i will go and buy.. haix..
it is ok.................................... period.
Monday, 6 August 2007
i guess sometimes i really stun people with my desire.. yeah.. alot of discouragement from people.. but somehow i appreciate all those becos it really pricks me to work even harder to prove people wrong and to prove to others my potential..
i m not full of myself but what able human to continue living is hope.. hoping for the best to occur though it might not seem feasible..
because hope can stretch ur potential to the fullest.. most of the time we cannot succeed is cos we didnt try our best hard enough!!
please believe me that i can do it..
it is ok if u dont.. hahhaah..
i will prove u wrong someday..
hahhaa..
Friday, 3 August 2007
recently i have an unexplanable interest to delve into life.. perhaps my life has gone too strenguous for me becos i am now doing thing i have not much interest in.. 1 more year and all the lingering pain that perpetually overwhelmed me will vanished for the rest of my life.. 1 more year..
perhaps i have never grown to love what i m doing now.. cos that was never my first choice.. a man who fails to plan, plan to fail.. this quote may seems so inspiring.. i first came across this quote when i was in secondary 3.. from then on.. this "inspiring" quote became my motto.. i identified my ultimate goal and then explored numerous possibilities which could lead to the path and then try my best to keep up with my plan..
3 years later, i came to learn that the quote is purely fictious.. any resemblance to the events in real life is purely coincidental.. and from that moment on, i promised myself to live each day with less regard for the future.. becos planning is solely a waste of time..
indeed planning is a waste of time.. so wat if u plan to get married at the age of 26, but only to find urself without a bf at the age of 25 yrs and 364 days? becos u innocently believe that only inner beauty can lead u to real love.. u try to cultivate ur inner self to goodness.. eventually u then realised inner beauty is only an added advantage to outer beauty.. as long as u have ravashing outer beauty, u can command all the guys in the world.. inner beauty is just an added advantage.. if u have no outer beauty, u will only be doomed to attract guys who need a maid, a person to supplement the income and a free sex partner (i never forget this is what came out from one of my guy fren.. he was telling me that even if u go prostituting, u need to pay but u dont have to pay ur wife!!).. oh ya.. by the way i thanked him for being so truthful..
why more singaporean guys are turning to vietnam for brides? becos they dont know that their miserly monthly income cannot get them a wife who is pretty, capable of cooking and never talked back to them.. however they din want to get ugly wife so they decide to outsource.. i m sorry if i offend them but i really despise them.. have they absolutely no female frens? that they are willing to marry an unknown stranger?
indeed planning is a waste of time.. sometimes i marvelled my old self for drawing timeline to get thing done in the hope that with such diligence, sucess would await me.. nevertheless i m a pathetic failure.. perhaps i shouldnt have done honours.. perhaps i shld just graduate.. perhaps i should have waited for 1 yr before enrolling myself into the uni.. so that i have time to sort out my thoughts and accept the harsh reality.. recently so many people kept asking what i want to do when i graduate.. i simply dont know how to answer them.. because i m not going to plan anymore.. i simply dont want history to repeat itself.. so please.. i m not trying to be secretive or wat crapz.. i only dont want to think.. imagine the sadness i will experience if i were to plan so nicely for a goal only to find myself nowhere there after investment of tremendous efforts..
haiz.. i m so sianz with my project.. but xl is not in singapore now.. i cannot lament to her.. haiz.. really looking forward to her return next week.........
for the time being i still got a literature review to do.. this is crazy!! really feel like graduating now..
Thursday, 2 August 2007
i must be more friendly to people..
i must be more forgiving even if people is doing some disgusting thing..
i must not expose people's mask though their fakeness pukes me off..
i must be nice to people even if people treat me only as their spare tyre..
nothing must go wrong anymore..
life is liddat..
face it..
p/s: some people really pukes me off recently.. the worst thing is that not only the person has no inner beauty.. the person has zero outer beauty as well.. if the core is rotten, a beautiful external could at least serve as an ornament to the surroundings or an eye candy.. i really cannot tolerate people with no looks and no character..
but sadly, life gives one no choice.. humans ought to follow blindly the path fate carves out for them..
when u r hungry and penniless.. if a rotten ugly apple drops from the sky, u got no choice but to grab it to pacifying the angry growling stomach..
sometimes u just have no choice..Labels: scum
