seems like a while that i update my blog..

life has been ok with me.. i am trying to figure ways how to get thing done.. someone suggested some solution but that alas, i didnt have his contact number to clarify more.. it seems strange, all along i thought i have his number but i dont know why i never have his number.. now so sianz.. didnt know what to do..

it is interesting that meeting certain people really brighten up my life..... but then too bad, it is just superficial encounter.. sometime not everything in life can be retained.. maybe what we can all hope is for the thing to happen again.. which is equivalent to hoping for the impossible to be possible..

it has come to a point where it is now a challenge to uphold my pride.. time is running out.. there is just too many temptations.. i pray i never sucuumb to it.. just like i always question myself whether i was sober that night when i said those things.. was it just my subscious self or was it due to my weak mind? no.. i will have my pride..

anyway i have grown fat again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it is expected.. it is so hard to resist food.. especially the coffeeshop near my office sells spring roll.. i have very low expectation for spring rolls.. as long as it spring rolls, i will love it.. but i have very high expectation of samosa.. the best i ever have up to date is those in KL.. plus i love the smile donut from dunkin donut cos it reminds me of my days in europe.. eating the donut on the train alone from aachen to liege.. :)

i simply want to slack for the rest of my life.. life is getting out of control now.. i felt so deprived of myself.. i want to spend time with myself.. i love eating alone.. i love attending german class.. anyway, i have decided to continue my german.. but to my horror.. the next class starts next yr jan.. my god!!! hopefully by then my career is on the move..

there are too many committement recently.. starting to hate them.. hopefully i wont give up.. god bless.....

today turned out so bad.. but then i am praying that hopefully i will hear something tomorrow.. i am praying hard.. may i get it tmr!!

anyway, i really hate people who ignore me or treat me as if i am transparent.. damn it.. although i admit that i like being alone, there are just some instances or occasions that i dont want to be alone.. yup.. all the occasions when people ignore me, i will remember.. so that i know that they are not my friends.. went for fortune telling when i was in my final year in NUS.. the astrologer said that i tends to spend time on people who don't deserve my attention.. because of this, i am so conscious when making friends..

anyway, i felt quite blessed.. i never knew that i could still have friends in the corporate world.. however it seems like i might have friends.. sometimes i am so touched that alicia and margaret always accompany me.. they are very important people because i will not survive if they are not there.. i never forget how shattered i was when the both of them were not there during one of the occasion.. it was so horrible that i left early.. yup.. everytime i saw the entry about the occasion in my diary, i cannot help but thank god that i have them in my life..

wonder will i ever get to go malaysia with the both of them and clara..

i am still holding on to so many memories and presently i have so many committements.. wonder when i will be free to do whatever i want to do.. perhaps it will come the day i finally understand why certain thing happened in the past.. i yearn for the arrival of that day..

sometimes u put in effort to build a relationship.. then it yields results.. the relationship blossoms but yet you start to ponder.. why must you be the one who take the initiative to start off the relationship?

put in effort, and thou shalt succeed..

though it seems to make sense.. however, you just cannot help but wonder.. why must you be the one who try to make thing work? you cannot help but to be pessimistic.. would the relationship be in the flourishing state as it is now, if you never make the first move..

why am i making such a big fuss about this?

because this matters alot to me..

this really do..

p/s: i always rememeber people who took the initiative to build the relationship with me.. cos at least they let me feel that i am someone they think i am worth the effort.. at least i knew that i was important (to certain extent)..