a promise to myself.. watever happen at 9am later on.. i must not be sad..

went to A*star for an interview today morning.. hmmm.. i performed quite badly.. yup.. it was so bad that i could even predict the outcome accurately.. then went school for a meeting at 3pm.. but the interview ended at 11am so i went to my lab to use the computer to do my 2 presentations for my europe trip.. one ppt is on my FYP while the other is on the interesting places in sg..

anyway.. 2 days ago, i went to touch my violin.. haha.. wanted to play a tune.. realised that all my G, D, A, E strings need to be re-tuned.. so i re-tuned it.. and then i started playing for a little while and my arms start to ache after 30 mins as i have not been practising it for a long time.. in the past, i could play for the whole day without feeling any ache.. haha.. i really hope that i could play it for the whole day..

read an article regarding weight management.. suddenly i felt so scared.. i m so scared that i will suddenly ballooned back to my 103 kg past.. oh ya.. if anyone want to guess my weight.. please guess below 85 kg? it is rather unpleasant that i have fren asking me abt my wt and i asked him to guess.. he said 85 kg.. *faint* it is either i look fat due to my big body frame or i simply have no muscle.. all fats.. since fats weight lesser than muscle.. so i look very fat with 100% fats.. rather than mixture of fats and muscle..

a promise to myself.. watever happen at 9am later on.. i must not be sad..

a yucky day today cos i am trying to rush 3 presentations.. so tmr i can devote myself the entire day to read about stems cell..

oh ya.. talking about travelling.. i guess travelling companions are very important for a good trip.. it seems so hard to find someone who has similar interest as you for travelling.. for me, eating is very important.. i feel that i must try the food whenever i go to new places.. my greatest regret was not being able to eat pork knuckles in germany.. so this time round, i am still thinking if there is a way that i could eat the pork knuckles over there.. i must survey those immersion people and identify those who like to eat and then hang around with them and hopefully i will get the chance to eat the pork knuckles with them.. haha.. tony said that the pork knuckles comes in 2 serving.. so i just need to find only 1 more person to eat that thing with me..

oh ya.. after the trip, i will travelling alone to paris and then to holland and germany.. i realise that it is pointless to go travel with someone who has diffferent interest from you.. becos if u want to eat in a restuarant but ur travelling companion simply want to fast (to the extend of not wanting to grab any bite) cos don't want to spend that money on food.. u cannot possibly ask her to wait outside the restuarant while u feast in it..

i guess there are many thing i want to do in germany.. they are thing that i should have done the last time but didn't get a chance to do so..

probably to some, i might sound pathetic travelling alone.. BUT i simply cannot find the right person who will go europe with me.. haiz.. nevertheless i will be more optimistic.. probably, 1 day xl will go europe with me after she save up.. shall we go italy and switzerland then?? italy and switzerland are places with many beautiful buildings.. since i cannot find the right person to go to these two places with me this time round, i have no choice but to give them a miss.. BUT i will be back.. hahaha..

anyway.. today i actually told a fren my ideal wedding proposal.. why do i mention that? hahaha.. cos my dear fren, victor has proposed to his gf on board of jet star..

anyway, what is my ideal wedding proposal?

he should first go europe with me.. then he will hoax me to a place the moment we reach sg (probably his place).. all of my frens and his frens are hidding at the place.. when we walk in, the place will be dark and then the spotlight will suddenly fall on me.. then he will kneel down and present me with my favorite flower and a diamond ring then ask me if i will marry him.. then everyone will appear.. and clapp.. i willl then agree and everyone cheer and clap louder.. and i will then observe that there is actually buffet and dessert for everyone.. and i will happily eat fish with tomato sauce and black glutinous rice dessert with all my dear frens.. and looking forward to spending a lifetime with him..

oh ya.. if he present me with rose.. fat hope i will agree.. hahahha.. presenting me with rose means he doesn't know me well..

if he were to propose to me on my birthday, i will say no too.. haha.. this will just show that he is a very stingy guy.. want to combine wedding anniversary gift and my bdae gift tgt..

if he din do all these, most probably i will agree as well.. but i will lament later on.. wahwhaha..

oh ya.. miss huifang.. fat hope.. please lose 10 kg first before you will meet a special someone to do this nice thing to you..

seems like i am leaving sg quite soon.. i feel more jittery as the clock ticks.. there is so many thing that i havent do.. just email my prof a rough copy of the presentation slides.. initially he opposed to me presenting his research because he was scared of the leakage of priviliged information.. so the teacher-in-charge went to talk to him and then i could present.. BUT i have bad omens.. there is so many thing i cannot talk about.. so how should i answer during Q&A? hmmm.. i cannot tell u cos it is confidential? *Faint* i must think of better thing to say right? Moreover, it is torturous to do presentation on my honours project again.. i forgot nearly every single details of it and now i am forced to recall those dreadful stuff again.. BUT as i have good memory, i could remember it vividly but the fact that i have to hide quite alot of thing for the presentation makes me so sad.. i simply don't know what to do when 1 of the prof from the uni asked me qn during Q&A? i hate it because i want to do a spectacular presentation BUT i cannot.. haiz..

and i realised that i got to buy thing from my trip.. i want to buy quite some snacks for me to eat during my 17 days lonesome travelling BUT seems like i have problems with space allocation.. i doubt i have sufficient space to bring.. anyway, i guess i must do some serious work on packing my luggage OR i will buy too much food and they cannot fit into my luggage.. that will be funny.. as i will be carrying around 5.5kg of food stuff for my aunt during my trip, so i will try to be nice to km so he will help me bring back some stuff that i might buy during the immersion trip back to singapore first.. erm.. km, do you see this?? u will help me with it right?? haha.. =P

haiz.. still got a tuition this coming sat with my kid.. i don't know why i am so lazy to sms her to ask about her chemistry exams results.. haha.. 3 possibilties.. 1st, i can predict the results.. 2nd, i can predict the results.. 3rd, i can predict the results.. haha.. there was once my kid told me she got back her class test, and i asked her, so u failed by how many marks?? her reaction was, please la.. there is no one who will fail all the time.. and she passed!! from then on, i never asked her that question anymore though i m quite tempted to do so, for i don't want to be so belittling.. i m an educator and i should be encouraging.. haha.. i got this feeling that she might have passed her exams this times but she might not have attained 70 marks.. haiz.. her mum will definitely be talking about her grades to me this sat..

hmmm.. there is quite a major thing for me to attend on the 29th May, which is like 2 days before i fly.. hmmm.. i m not so jittery about it cos can then good, cannot also never mind.. but then what is stem cell? haha.. cell from a plant stem.. darn.. i got to read so many thing before 29th May because i don't want to make a fool of myself.. i doubt i only have to read on stem cells.. i got a bad omen!!

anyway, xc said that i should work in the bank.. esp private banks.. wat she said makes sense but am i going to throw my chemistry knowledge away?? i guess i might be a little reluctant to do so.. I am still weighing the pros and cons..

hmmm.. saw an email today.. was quite ambivalent.. should i be happy or sad?? at first, i was quite unhappy but then after re-considering, i realised that it might be a golden opportunity IF i am able of securing it.. however securing it might not be so easy because i must read quite alot.. i knew quite alot of thing but i don't know in details.. but then it is ok.. i am a very firm believer of fate.. what's mine will be mine.. BUT what is not mine, will never be mine..

oh ya.. so my trip.. i'll be back on the 8th July and I wil be leaving sg on the 30th June.. Actually i want to come back on the 10th July, only 1 day before commencement.. but then i could not get a seat!!!!!!!!! so i just have to make do with it..

probably this will be the last time i am going Münster.. because the next time i am going europe, i will be travelling to eastern europe which is quite out of the way..

oh ya.. got to go school on friday to meet prof to discuss what i can present about my honours project in germany.. school? haiz.. i simply dread going school..

it is just weird that i want to do so many thing BUT i am not taking actions.. hahaha..

really like 变奏曲 alot!! the story plot revolved a gal called xiao rou played by jeanette aw.. she doesn't like people to ask her questions about herself which is just like me.. i mean it is ok for people to ask but if i don't want to answer, just don't force me to answer.. if the person is too persistent, i will just crap when i am in a good mood.. however if my mood is foul, i will just tell the person i don't want to answer and that i mind answering the question.. everyone has a past but there is just somebody who wants to forget his past.. re-counting it to another means delving deep and then causing the past to re-surface and then misery follows.. in addition, it is an intrusion of privacy which is very disrepectful.. and i know that most people just want to know becos they are gossipy and bitchy rather than being genuinely concerned..

i like the theme song as well.. 空缺 by 伍家辉..

也许一天在挤满行人的那一条街, 你才会发现我留下的空缺, 没有人能完全填补的空缺..

so nice.. though there are saying that no one in the world is indispensible BUT i believe there bound to someone in ur life that is so significant in your life and when he dies, you die as well..

so many love triangles.. and i like it becos life is like tt.. it is quite hard for two person to be mutually in love.. and character played by jessica liu is splendid.. because guys never like gals with such gentle and demure character.. what i like is that christopher lee only come to realise that he likes her when she dies.. human are like that.. they have to lose it in order to realise what is really indispensible in life..

a really good show..

p/s: if anyone has the mp3 version of the theme song.. can let me know and send me? pretty please? haha..

on the 14th May, I finally went to the Soon Lee depot.. This is cos i was always take bus 185 and it terminates at soon Lee and I am very curious what exactly is.. Hmm.. So i decided to venture the place alone.. It is an industrious area.. Nothing to see exactly.. actually i wanted to take pic of the shabby living "hostel" of the workers but I forgot.. haha.. And i was venturing my way out of that place to look for a bus-stop and I got a sms that the gathering starts in 2 hours time.. crazy.. only 2 hours to notify me that there is a gathering going on? and i was stranded at the ulu soon lee depot? forget it.. don't know why there is no effort to let me know of this gathering a few days in advance.. Forget it.. i shall not give a damn..

P/S 1: i have set up a face book today.. so as to facilitate me when i am sending out my wedding invitation in a few years time.. =P

P/S 2: was v puzzled watching 王牌天使 on channel 54.. so this gal loves the guy but on the guy's bdae, she forgot her bdae.. but in the end, it was realised that the gal like the guy.. the plot is abit *dotz*.. u mean u love someone so much until u forgot the person's bdae? wow.. incredible.. for me, i always use bdae as a gauge to see if someone like me.. if he forgot, i will take it that he is simply not interested.. there was a year when someone and i seems to be very close, i like him but i don't know if he likes me.. So i waited till my bdae to know the answer.. he never knew my bdae.. hence, the answer is quite clear.. clear that i should shed some weigh? haha..

i just called my host regarding my stay in germany.. it is real sad to know from her that she suffered from a stroke a few weeks back.. but then she said she is now fine.. i felt so sad when i heard that.. i was thinking what i should do.. if only i called her more often.. haiz.. my mind is in a whirlpool.. i m so scared.. i must cherish my time with her when i am with her this late june..

suddenly i felt that life is just too precious.. and.. i am scared.. because i love her..

ok.. one happy occasion.. xl and i gorged ourselves at seoul garden today!! we r so full until we felt so uncomfortable.. haiz.. we shouldn't have done that.. we shld have paid more for some meals at some place..

oh ya.. i have been hmmm.. rejected.. and i don't know if i shld continue to try.. yup.. the initial reaction of rejection as follow..

first, denial..

second, verify with ur frens in the hope that they will tell u wat u want to hear..

third, acceptance..

fourth, realised that it is not possible..

fifth, blame fate, blame god, blame very damn thing u can think of that seems accountable to ur plight..

sixth, grieves and then move on hopefully..

seventh, never harbor anymore hope on it.. wait passively.. since tried so many times (actively!!) and u just cannot change the outcome..

lastly, transform into a stone.. because it simply so disgusting to know that u took so much courage to ask and u got a big NO!!

p/s: though sickness is inevitable.. i cannot help but feel sad..

mq has suddenly left singapore to return China on sat for good.. so went to the airport to send her off.. but then i guess we will meet again somewhere in oct for xc's wedding.. and she might also be back in sg somewhere in dec or jan next year.. so distance is not a big problem..

so have been eating quite alot recently.. probably a convenient excuse is because it is THE day.. but then thanks people for remembering THE day.. and i realised something.. when u want to know, u will know.. human mind is fantastic.. when the mind yearns to know, it will dictate the body to search for the answer..

oh ya.. hl was saying that i should lose some weigh before going europe, in case i gained some weigh there.. this makes sense.. and i was still thinking of how to eradicate carbo from my diet.. now i am not very confident of shedding some weigh because the mind is weak, very weak.. haha..

and you know wat? I heard that G is getting married.. my god.. so many people is getting married.. *faint* where is my prince? i need to shed more weigh first is it?

oh ya.. i miss yc.. she has been away for a few month in taiwan le.. she will only be back in June.. this means that I can only meet up with her when i am back in sg, probably sometime in July..

actually I am quite upset that i am taking thai airway.. why? initially the school was planning to take singapore airline.. *faint* i simply hate transit.. especially when the journey is very long and i will be travelling alone leh.. I am so scared of losing my way and time in a foreign land(thailand) which speaks a different tongue..

oh ya.. Zürich, Basel, Bern? I guess I need to do some research in the library!!

so was chatting w X(names has been changed to protect identity) regarding words of expression..

anything that nice comes out from a guy's mouth cannot be trusted unless it is further substantiated with actions..

if the guy knows that u like him and yet he praised you, please don't be over the moon yet.. this is because if he didn't buy u flowers or choco or snacks or keep pestering u or wat.. that means that it was merely words without actions.. in another words, his purpose is just to confuse u lor.. in a courtship, the guy should try all means to impress u, in order to get u sucessfully.. if not, it is just too hard to believe he is really in love with u..

whenever i hear such stories, i just feel so angry.. how comes got so many guys who are just scums?

p/s: been sleeping at 3am for the past two days.. was msn-ing with my aunt and cousin in paris.. was talking about my trip to stay at my aunt's house.. anyway, i finally understand why long distance relationship never work because of the time difference.. =p but then i can sleep early today!! yipee!! =)

p/s2: my aunt is just so nice, she asked me to stay more than 4 days cos she said i cannot see anything in paris in 4 days.. and she kept urging me to either get an open ticket or just extent my trip.. i am so touched by her friendliness!! =)

p/s3: been so busy with applying for jobs but not efficient.. i have only sent 2 resumes so far. i have not yet plan my trip.. i m definitely going lyon.. i want to go provence but my aunt lives in paris.. my god, what should i do? 6 hours journey.. *faint*..

to start with.. i have gained a whopping 3 kg.. it was due to exam stress.. to get a better idea of how much a 3 kg worth.. i went to the supermarket to find the answer.. i went to the pork department and i looked at the pork belly.. 1 packet is around 300g.. so 3 kg is around 10 packets.. oh my god, if there is a hannibal, i will first be eaten.. imagine 10 packets of braised pork belly.. yummy!! even i cannot resist those braised stuff.. if someone come to braise me(using my grandma's recipes that is..), i might eat myself.. anyway, it is so hard to find braised pork belly.. i missed my mum's, and it is highly unlikely she will cook for me again.. actually i wanted to ask my aunt to cook for me cos my aunt's cooking resembles my mum's cos they are both disciples of my grandmum.. but then i am not that thicked skinned to ask.. so i didn't.. haha.. and i couldn't even find a very nice braised pork.. ok la.. probably fate wants me not to grow fat, so i shan't be given the opportunity to grow fat by gorging on braised pork belly.. hmmm.. i don't even want to eat these oily stuff unless it is done using my grandmum's recipes.. cos it is simply not worth growing horizontally by eating those fatty stuff..

p/s: so my cousin haven't asked his mum yet.. so i told him politely to get the number for me by tmr.. i hope i can have the number by tmr.. i need to call.. if my aunt is not going to host me in france, i must think of other alternatives.. but i doubt she will say no ba.. *cross my finger*

it is irritating!!

i tried to hint subtly.. but he don't know what i am trying to express..

is it because i am not explicit enough or that he is just too stupid?

but then not beating around the bush might cause negative consquences to be ensued.. because i simply just don't know the results..

forget it.. i am going to think about it and try one last time.. if he still don't get it.. i shall just accept fate le.. haiz.. need to spend a night to think about it..

guys are just too stupid or is it because gals are too intelligent??

p/s for my readers(if i have any): this is not the way u think it is.. the hint is not some romantic thing.. over my dead body for me to take initiative to express my love for a guy.. for if i do so, i will be treated like weed.. and if whoever likes me but expects me to take the initiative.. then i rather have a dog.. cos acc to friends, if a guy likes u, he will do everything he could to get u (buy flower, buy lunch for u when u r not free to get urs, etc).. if not, probably u r just his spare tyre.. ya..

p/s2: i just asked my cousin to ask his mum(which is my aunt as well) to get the number of our aunt who lived in france.. hopefully i can contact her by tmr.. so i will know if i can live at her house for a few days.. in the event that the answer is a big NO, i will just exclude france.. france without french is horrible.. but then there is so many places i want to visit in France..