watched high school musical 2.. was so sad when i saw the scene when troy and grabiella broke up.. don't know why i felt so emo when i saw the scene..



I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this
World someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way

breaking up is an easy task.. trust me.. just a while of sadness then seems like everything is back to normal.. seems is the keyword.. everyone is just trying to conceal his sad feeling cos the world cannot tolerate if u wallow in sadness.. come on, don't u know that the world is an unfeeling creature?

On a brighter note, an end might mean a better beginning.. cheers..

somehow xx was so busy until 1 or 2 am when i was most of time asleep already.. there was one night i was having insomnia, probably got it from R cos he was having insomnia for many nights already.. i sliented my phone while trying my best to sleep but little did i know that xx msg me.. the vibration of my new phone is very strong so i should be able to feel it since i was not sleeping but i didn't.. it's just fate i guess..

when someone is so busy to the extent that no time to keep in contact with another person also tells quite alot.. because how long does it take to send a sms?

most of the time i am telling myself.. probably some thing are not meant to be la.........

especially after watching beauty and the beast.. i felt every sadder.. so this is love.. even sadder was after i watch the hunchback of notre dame.. the pretty gpsy girl eventually didn't choose hunchback cos unlike the beast in "beauty and the beast", hunchback didn't turn into a handsome guy.. that is why the pretty gal didn't get together with hunchback..

it is not going to happen.. it will not happen.. because there is no beauty and there is no prince.. and so there is no happily ever after..

i am not really upset that there is not true love in this world, i am even more upset that why bad person can still live wealthily and healthily and blissfully.. is there not such thing as retribution? or is the higher being preaching that being bad is the only correct way of life?

it doesn't matter i just cannot bring myself to do something that is so heinous.. you win..

it seems like formality diminishes with time which causes love to diminish as well.. as time passes by, u will start to realise that the person you always hold in awe is just but a normal being.. no wonder they say that in order to salvage a r/s, the r/s must progress to the next level.. it is similar to working in a company.. u work hard day in day out.. if you are getting the same pay and the same position after a few years in the same company, chances of you staying in the same company is very small.. rewards of pay increment and progression is very important to maintain the r/s between the empolyee and the employer..

i realised that when someone is more confortable with you.. the person will start to tell you every single thing.. sadly certain thing just put the person down.. sort of strip off the "wow" in that person..

i really admire those couples who can stay together till they breath their last.. especially those without kids..

i really think that kids keep the marriage going.. the couple will try to salvage the r/s for the sake of the kids.. rather than seeing this as a sacrifice of the kids, we should see that the kids are the good force that prevents couple from divorcing on impulse.. kids makes them re-consider their decision and most of the time, after some serious consideration, they will start to realise they still do not have to retort to divorce.. vows are supposed to be kept..

when u first get to know someone.. u will be very polite and nice.. after knowing the person for a very long time.. u will start to take certain thing for granted and not be that nice anymore.. as more time passes.. u will start to take all thing for granted..

haiz.. this is life..

despite this, everyone still wants to get married because everyone is scared of being lonely.. the feeling of lonliness is unbearable.....

after my tuition in the afternoon today i felt unwell.. then as the day passed, i felt worse.. actually is just some giddiness and my legs feel weak.. now i am having slight headache.. wonder why i felt like telling xx about it.. but i didn't.. cos telling xx won't make me feel better.. moreover when xx was sick the last time, xx didn't tell me also until xx recovered..

haiz.. felt sort of sad today.. i believe that bitch will prevent me from doing what i want to do.. i should have been nicer to bitch so bitch will not do such a thing to me.. =X

my kid asked me some questions pertaining to r/s during tuition today.. wat i can say is that most of the r/s right now is possible after some intricate manipulation.. i despise quite alot of couple (sad to say there are really ALOT!!) who currently are blissful in r/s.. making use of innocent people to get together with your current bf/gf.. my kid is so innocent.. she don't understand why a stupid guy manipulated her best friend to get close to the girl he likes.. i also told her that some might give people false impression so that in the event that they break up with their gf/bf or their love is not reciprocated, there is still a spare tyre there..

wonder if she will ask me about r/s next week again.. i will definitely give her my true opinion abt r/s.. i think she is too innocent, so must at least let her beware of dangers looming in this seemingly harmless world..

i want the process to the r/s to be a very harmless one.. no innocent people being sacrificed to make the r/s works.. and neither do i have the r/s cos i am just a spare tyre.. i hate to be just a second choice.. since it is so bad, don't force yourself, i'd rather not have it..

oh ya, i finally found the vcd beauty and the beast.. was so touched.. cos i have tried for so long to find the vcd but to no avail.. cos storekeepers told me that there is no more print of the vcd anymore.. though the one i have right now is cheena version, at least it is from the orginal walt disney edition =) my tears rolled down my cheeks when i watched the vcd.. now the challenge is to get the beauty and the beast in german version.. i really want that!! i will get it someday..

on a side note..
路人甲: ... if i am rich, i will want to migrate..
路人乙: where do u want to migrate to?
路人甲:USA florida..
路人乙:but US is a bad place for kids..
路人甲:no.. Miami is beach area so should be quite safe.. it's ok.. anywhere u want to go..

i seriously suspect that xx know of my admiration.. cos xx sounded quite different recently.. don't think xx knows of my blog leh.. so how xx knows leh? weird..

anyway, felt quite stressed as to having to make a decision.. trying to steer off from the topic..

oh ya, recently i am feeling quite happy now.. hope that xx will jia you.. and i will jia you as well.. =)

oh ya, do u think i shld take ACCA?

p/s: somehow the image of the weeping man just refuses to leave my head.. this has been bothering for many years.. i really need a time machine.. if i could go back time to salvage situation, i will not have to live with this anymore.. i could have salvaged the situation.. the ending was not supposed to be a tragic one.. u deserved to live happily and healthily.. if only i intervened..

is xx a devil or an angel? this has been bothering me for the past few days.. i only know that xx is a workholic who forgot to eat dinner most of the time.. haiz.. it is so hard to come out with topics to talk about at 2am.. i guess we are both tired ba.. haiz.. i think i am not making any sense.. or we have run out of topics to talk about alr? however i admire xx quite alot! =)

anyway, recently i recovered from the recent emo-journey which i was forced to take.. thankfully.. however i will always remember this emo-journey..

forget it.. my mind is not working now.. is now a matter of who say good night first..

anyway i am happy that xx has an achievement.. jia you!! i pray that xx will have more sales.. just feel very happy when xx told me about the achievement.. =)

i like talking to xc.. she really knows how i feel.. we have quite similar viewpoint about certain thing in life..

after talking to MQ i realised that XX might not be an angel at all.. conclusion from thorough analysis is XX just has some ulterior motives.. haiz.. never mind, i already expected that god might not be that kind to me, to send ask an angel to send someone down to provide solace for a distressed me..

anyway, i pranked a prank on two person ytd =P.. Guess they will never know of it cos i have no intention of revealing =P.. And i am sure that both of them never read my blog.. whahaa..

actually wanted to play a prank on C as well.. but i scared that he was busy during the weekend, so i dropped my idea..

oh ya, finally tasted Carl Junior.. it is so nice.. i swallowed the whole set on my own =P.. who said that the serving is humongous and you need someone to share it with u leh?

i know it is early now.. i'm actually dreaming about my ideal bdae celebration =x.. anyway, shall just stop it.. don't think it is going to happen anyway.. anyway, i admire G alot.. her family gave her the best present.. and i am pretty sure i cannot get it..

i am now listening to first love from the japanese show, 魔女之條件.. i never like japanese song but this song touched my heart..

haiz.. it is so sad that i cannot read human mind.. when someone didn't do something, what does it mean? but even if someone did something, does it mean anything? when someone hinted you to do something, and if you didn't do it, does it mean that you don't give a damn? but if u did it, will the recipient know that you do it because you thought you got the hint that the recipient wants you to do it, so you do it so that the recipient would feel appreciated?

when an event happens, there are 101 possible reasons that trigger the onset of this event.. the worst being, you are always not possible to predict the actual reason.. because you do not know what triggers the event, you cannot take any further steps.. it would be too risky.. so eventually the event would then remain as it is..

bleahx.. i really want to know what is happening.. =(

on a sidenote..
i miss you so much and i don't know what to say..
i should be over you.. i should know better but it's just not the case..

yesterday was a happy day.. part of my previous entry was about disappointment.. regarding about someone (let's call the person XX) reaching out with an ulterior motive.. so in the end, i realised that i was jumping too fast to conclusion when XX suddenly disappear from the surface of the earth.. it seems like there is only XX around who is there to make my day and suddenly XX is gone.. my thoughts start to wander.. and somehow it reaches a bad conclusion..

i don't know why i am thinking in that way.. friends are just friends.. friends have their own life, career and own things to do.. you should never be there in a way to disrupt people from achieving their other more pertinent priorities in life.. because friends are just friends..

somehow XX was different in the sense that our conversation are very very shallow most of the time, yet entertaining and very happy.. XX never wants to hear me say, XX would always be the one who is talking about career and family issues (serious issues only some time).. however i guessed i do appreciate because other friends are just too busy for me.. i have enough of tv and surfing the net..

anyway i just cannot believe that XX was hospitalised these few days and only discharged yesterday.. I thought XX had disappeared.. XX was so sad in the hospital regarding career issues.. so i asked why XX never let me know about the hospitalisation..

just now someone with the same name as XX signed on into MSN, my heart missed a beat.. then i realised.. i don't have XX's MSN..

somehow my mind starts to wander again.. i wonder where will my mind eventually wander to..

anyway, C really get on my nerves sometimes.. but somehow i didn't get angry.. maybe i was too bored recently and yet no one is free for me.. that's why i guess.. anyway, C refutes the light pink gem.. i didn't even know why i told him that.. guess i was too bored.. anyway, he mentioned that there was not even a light pink gem to begin with.. haha.. that's what i want to hear.. so after i have invented my time machine, i have one lesser task to fulfil.. 1 less regret down.. >.<

oh ya, i was abit pissed off with C cos he was lying.. so he asked if i hate liars alot.. my answer was, i don't mind if people lies to me.. but please don't let me know that it is a lie.. because i would feel insulted if you thought that i am a 3-year-old kid.. this means that i don't mind sophisticated lies which you put in sufficient effort to mask the truth.. so that i won't find out la..

below is a harmless yet sweet flirting:

so sweet.. =)

huifang is inventing a time machine..

i wonder why i can never go back time.. i need to go back time to salvage situation..

(a) if i could go back time, i will be nicer to you.. i have heard about the story which someone walks down the forest.. there are many gems that lies on the ground.. he could choose and pick up one of the gems before the forest.. however, he could not turn back and once he makes the decision to pick up a gem, he cannot choose another gem again.. so stupidly, i walked down the forest.. i like gems that is barbie doll pink.. i saw one that is of light pink but not exactly barbie doll pink.. i didn't pick it up.. in the end, i realised that all the gems ahead were of other colors that were not to my liking.. i kept walking ahead.. in the end, i came to the exit of the forest unknowingly.. and that meant that i don't have a gem!! i want that light pink gem now!!!

(b) have you ever felt so bad for being responsible for someone's death? in 变奏曲, the male lead didn't pick up the call of the gal who called him relentlessly.. she was in love in him but it was not reciprocated.. in the end, the gal died because he didn't pick up the call and so he didn't get the chance to save her.. anyway, i felt so guilty now.. another occasion was that i didn't know that ignoring someone will cause someone to die.. i was too young and immature then.. anyway i guess i have my retribution now.. i am being ignored now..

(c) i have hurted someone so badly in the past.. i was also young and immature then.. probably that was why i ballooned to 103kg and guys mocked at me in secondary school and JC.. i never ever forget that when i was JC, a guy liked me but i overheard his fren telling him not to fall in love with a 103kg gal cos it is not socially acceptable.. i never blamed anyone on this.. i can only blamed myself cos i believe that this was the seed that i sowed from infliicting "injury" on that someone..

(d) i should have studied accountancy in NTU instead of chemistry in NUS.. moreover i should have studied hard in my year 1 and 2 instead of playing so hard and seeing my CAP plunge like mad before i see the urgent need to buck up or i might not even make it to honours.. luckily i got quite a couple of A after i bucked up..

(e) i should have trusted my gut feeling instead of gg to xx.. shit.. i felt so stupid..

(f) i placed my trust over the wrong person.. *period* i neglected the fact that the person is a wrong one..

anyway, i want a time machine badly.. it is so hard to carry on live with so many regrets.. understands that i should learn lessons and live life without repeating history.. but i really cannot carry on already.. it is disappointment after disappointment.. at first i thought that someone was there to reach out for me cos an angel saw a falling soul and somewat sympathesizes with me badly but then i realised that he wanted to help because there is ulterior motive..

have u ever felt so lost that you are consulting the tarot cards for advice cos either people don't care or they simply don't know what to advice..

i hope my invention will be successful.. or rather i hope i am fated to have a time machine..

it has been a long time ever since i blogged.. i am feeling quite unsure these few days.. unsure of alot of thing..

watched 变奏曲 today.. realised that i always felt quite sad after this show.. today it was about the main female lead xiao rou.. she wanted to forget about the guy she love.. cos he was already dead and she being the live being, should learn to carry on and live life to the fullest.. trying to get him away from your life is like removing a barrier to achieving happiness.. there were a few lines from the show that touched my heart.. i don't remember the exact words, only the gist.. i know i have to forget you but it seems like i am now like a parasite dependent on the host.. and now that you (the host) are gone, i cannot continue to live..

i always believe that if a r/s is forged, it would then grow to be like the r/s of a parasite and host.. from a person's point of view, he will be the parasite, regardless of who is the dominaneering one in the r/s.. once such strong bond is forged, it would be very hard and painful to abandon this r/s..

this is why the dead always bring pain to the living.. i don't know if after life exists.. but what i am sure is that the dead will bring sadness to the living for as long as the living lives..

i finally found out that i have wasted my life placing my emphasis on the wrong thing in life.. i always thought that it was the most precious thing in life, and in the end, i was utterly wrong.. i have wasted a part of life.. i want to invent a time machine.. i want to go back time.. i have regretted.. i will not repeat history.. there is more important thing in life that i should have achieved..

anyway, i have discussed quite alot of thing with M.. it is so disappointing to understand that thing in life is like it is.. we are no longer little kids already.. it is no longer a green pasture out there.. what lies ahead is plain with dangerous werewolves looming hungrily for preys.. sometimes when someone came to offer help, you might not even dare to accept it because you are just worried the person might expect alot more from you which you don't want to go against your principle to return the favor.. haiz.. it takes alot of clear-headed reasoning to turn down the seemingly attractive offer..

i am learning not to be too mean to certain people.. =P

anyway, i have accidentally missed a dateline.. Maybe it is not meant to be ba.. =(

fate..

sometimes u tried so hard to fight fate but you didn't emerge victorious.. in fact you are so badly defeated.. you told yourself that it was ok.. you will try another time and will put in all of urself to accomplish it.. you know you will emerge to be sucessful this time round.. but then you are never a chance to even accomplish it.. cos satan came and destroyed your opportunity.. but i believe that satan will be cursed by me to lead a life of loneliness and unhappiness.. their partners will leave them for their best friends.. they will grow old alone, without dependents..

i always hate the fact that life is pre-determined and fated.. there is why sometimes i don't ask for alot..

it is 1/3.. i miss you so badly.. without you, i have to face the cruel world alone..