Monday, 29 March 2010
when i fall in love, it will be forever..
love is supposed to be sacred.. many people around me found a new one almost immed when they broke up with their current one.. sometimes it makes me wonder if they have a list of spare tyre.. if this one cannot, then the next on the list will follow..
this is not love..
anyway, my heart can no longer feel love.. this is bad..
Labels: expression of love, life
Sunday, 28 March 2010
i always want to have a grand birthday surprise.. exactly the kind that featured in the drama..
the male lead picked the female lead from her house on her birthday.. he then bring her to breakfast and lunch and fun activities.. then he brought her to his house for nice wine.. and when both of them reached his house and switched the lights on.. the female lead was touched.. all her friends were there and someone passed him the birthday cake and he started singing happy bdae.. and everyone followed...
wow.. and the cake was from a super ex ex hotel.. i dont like cheap cake.. and it was so yummy that i could swallow the whole cake but i cannot be selfish as i need to share with my friends as well..
then there were many trays of food he catered.. tonnes of food.. all of my favourite food.. got my fav samosa, fish, chicken, pastry, noodles and...........
and there is wine....... wow....... everything is so great...... but i know this is not possible.. ya.... cos i am not pretty enough to have a bf who love me this much to throw this kind of expensive party which requires him tonnes of preparation and effort..
nowadays guys everything also go dutch.. the funniest being at the end of the surprise party, for the donno how many times we go out tgt, he will want me to pay for everything eg his meals and movie cos he is too broke after he organised my surprise bdae party.. guys are so cheapo.. this could happen.. really..
Labels: expression of love, fate, life, touched
Wednesday, 24 March 2010
never in my life am i so pissed..... luckily he didnt ignore me.. i wonder how can i go on after june cos i will never see him again.. this is the first time i had a friend at work who really knows what on earth i m talking about..
anyway i so sianz today.. tmr i will be at one of the office doing i-dunno-wat.. i know nuts abt the system and am just a facilitator.. but i have to appear.. darn waste of my time.. then i need to go gombak for meeting.. initially was on fri but luckily the date of the meeting was changed to tmr.. and then tue i got to go for-god-heaven-sake changi in the morning.. and next day got meeting and i need to do minutes.. my god.. just let me die.. i donno when the last min will be available for distribution.. fri i gg to take leave.. got pple die i also dont give a damn le.. i m really exhausted le =(
oh.. my pretty face.. i gone into second round for the public relation thingy.. n i think chances of me getting is high.. oh.. i hope i can have a smooth time at work and also this PR thingy.. i hope everything will be alright!! what i like about public relation is that not so much job to begin with but yet not everyone can do the job well.. oh my, am i praising myself? oh well.. i never wanted this in the first place but seems like i have no choice.. haiz.....
i am a perfectionist.. i think i inherited my perfectionist gene from my father.. hence, i am borned a perfectionist.. =)
Labels: expression of love, fate, job, life
Tuesday, 23 March 2010
anyway, it is quite weird today.. cos he is back to normal again.. people shouldn't doubt my intelligence.. i know what those jargon means because i read very widely before i gone to uni.. weirdo medical terms, i understand.. until now i felt so unfair that i cannot make it to medicine..
i just like to be with him because i got this apparent feeling that he understands how i feel.. in addition, his maturity just never fails to amaze me.. and i really enjoy being with him.. but too bad, he seems to like someone else and also another superficial man who see physical beauty before any other thing..
i didnt clarify what gone wrong previously and why he ignored me for quite some time.. i didnt worry that it will be awkward but rather, i dont remember clarifying with him.. anyway, i do admit i have a capricious temper.. sometimes i cannot even anticipate my next move either.. i knew why i was upset with him and then i ignored him then he ignored me..
i wonder why i just feel so weak.. i just need a break.. with the pathetic prospects ahead of me, i have lost my fighting spirit completely.. i just want to get another job.. if i will not do well in the end of yr appraisal, then i might as well go some other departments that i like but filled with scholars which will affect my performance.. cos in the end, the outcome is the same.. bad grades.. since the outcome is the same, of course i will choose the process i prefer the most.. i must seriously go study the job posting on intranet.. i really cannot stand it le.. i just want to go.. the only hope i had will be burst also.. unless i got the PR thingy or i might just go to my fav dept and do my fav thing and be an average performer..
Labels: job, life
Sunday, 21 March 2010
i felt so sad recently.. when everything is going so wrong..
i didnt get what i want instead i was given wat i dont want..
i also donno why he suddenly ignoring me.. i must have done something wrong but i was too busy to even clarify..
my life is really in a big mess.. it is so shitty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, 9 March 2010
haiz...... heartbroken.. sobz........ hahaha...Labels: expression of love, life, touched
Monday, 8 March 2010
u know sometimes u just want something to prove something.. damn.. i m so pissed it didnt happen that way.. i tell u i will try all my means to make that happen.. damn it.. i decided to get it to prove my worth..
this shld not be a very difficult thing hence, i must be successful in getting it..
damn it.. i should have it.. damn it.. even if i dont want it i must get it.. the most if i really dont need it, i just throw it away..
i must succeed..
Sunday, 7 March 2010
i think it is so wrong.. too wrong.. i gotta wake up.. anyway i have become a slave for $$ recently.. ha..
i am trying to channel all the wrong thoughts and actions away.. and make thing correct.. but it seems so wrong.. haiz.. now i understand that having no passion is the root of all the wrongness.. wrong wrong wrong..
and it is so wrong to see mr rabbit missing fr alice in the wonderland..
and it is so wrong that i didnt get 4As for my A level and hence wrong that i didnt have $$ to go overseas study med.. and so wrong.. wrong and wrong and wrong.. it is so wrong to be unable to follow ur passion.. why is it wrong to do something else when it is not ur fault tt u cannot get into med? i wanted to be a doc lor.. it is so wrong.. sianz..
anyway it is so wrong that i thought i would be happy.. it is so wrong that i bet with others that certain things will happen.. it is very wrong to even that way.. ha.. stupid me..
wrong wrong wrong.. i m not living in wonderland.. thing that follows the logic will happen.. no 4As => can never be a doc.. no 1st class => can nvr do the thing u want to do in life.. this is life.. period...................
if only i could just get that 4As...........................
Labels: expression of love, job, life
Saturday, 6 March 2010
in love with $$.. i was sleeping the whole day just now and when i woke up, i was overwhelmed with alot of emotions.. hopelessness to be exact..
i like the mr rabbit in alice in the wonderland because this rabbit carrys a timepiece with it all the time, so that he can keep track of the time and never be late for anything..
oh ya, i believe that if someone likes u, he will do everything single thing to impress u..
1) will go dempsey eat samy's curry with me and then wine intoxication.. will drive me to various indian restuarant to eat curry weekly..
2) throw me a very nice surprise bdae party.. invite all my frens and buy a very yum yum cake fr hotel and cater food.. got samosa and finger sandwich!!
3) take me wherever he goes during cny.. so can have yum yum food to eat the whole day.. not tt i am cheapskate la, cos cny only mac is open.. and just dont want to eat mac during cny.. and no place is open.. i cannot shop either.. so super bored..
4) buy me bags and pretty clothes..
5) lazes ard me
6) must not ask stupid questions.. just like, if we are gg out to chill, why do u even need to ask if i want to eat finger food.. of course the more the merrier right? the fact tt u asked shows that u are just a fake person.. who will ever resist yummy food? the right place will serve yummy food right?
7) reply my sms instanteously.. i dont see why if u like someone u can forget to reply because at that point in time, u r busy at work.. it just means that u dont really want to give a damn.. a good eg will be, do u tin u will reply later as u r busy at work if angelina jolie sms u if u want dinner with her? crapz right? if guys never reply ur sms fast, it means he is not into u..
8) his coversation with his frens must revolve ard me.. i tin tt is hard cos i m nt angelina jolie..
9) be gentlemanly and carry stuffs for me la.. sg guys suck at this..
i tin none of the above is possible.. so i better be more realistic.. a r/s with $$ seems to be more plausible!! if i put in effort to love $$, $$ will reciprocate and reproduce and i WILL have alot of $$!!
i decide to devote myself to $$.. i love $$.. and i know that $$ will love me and never cheat me!!
it is so hard to understand what you actually feel.. do you love or do you hate? this is really a very hard question.. there is many social regulation we need to obey.. we need to be responsible to so many people which includes the random ah-dog and ah-cat on the streets..
love is not substainable.. it dies off in a very very short while.. what holds love between two people will then be bread and also reliance.. with bread we will have energy to keep the little flame of whatever little love that is left.. it takes great lenght to maintain that tiny weeny flame of love.. with reliance, we will look forward to each other because we are very lonely and it feels pitiful to eat alone in restuarant..
why must we prove to every single person around us that we are in love in accordance with the social norms.. this is not my life..
sometimes u cannot help but wonder which of the following two outcome is better? 1st, to be married to someone whom the whole world think you are suitable with.. or to be alone for the rest of your life?
if someone kept talking about a very pretty girl and someone who never want to reply ur sms immediately and forget abt it.. probably he did this because this is the social way to tell the girl that it is better for him and her to obey the social law and not be together lest being octracised by the entire society..
hmmm.. i tin i understand your intention.. we shall obey the law of society faithfully.. love that shouldnt happen should never happen..
Labels: expression of love, life
Wednesday, 3 March 2010
it is so hard to revive a broken heart.. i am dead and emotionless.. and i promised not to let it be alive again.. anyway i lost my belief.. i knew this could not be possible anymore.. i m still trying to get over it....
wow.. i missed eating yum yum food at the soup restuarant!! yummy chinese dishes.. so expensive.. it is just abt 3 months since i ate at that place.. i missed the food.. food is so important to me.. i want to eat yum yum food!!
w/o food, bags and clothes, i believe that there is really nothing for me to hold on..