Heute Nachmittag hatte ich eine schlechte Prufung.. Meine letzte Prufung in NUS.. Ich finde es schwer, eine A zu bekommen.. Ich fühle mich nicht nur traurig, aber ich finde auch dass, die Welt nicht fair ist.. Ich hatte für das ganze Semester fleißig lernen.. Normalerweise schlafe ich nicht so genug.. Jeden Tag fühle ich so müde, bis ich tot wurde.. Manchmal spreche ich nicht so gern mit Freunden, weil ich mich zu müde fühle und jeden Tag ist anstrengend.. Ich muss gute Note für dieses Semester bekommen.. Ich weiß noch nicht, was ich arbeiten will.. Ich finde, dass Chemie sehr langweilig ist, und ich kann mich nicht vorstellen, ein langweiliges Leben zu haben.. Ich möchte gerne Interessante Aufgaben machen.. Vielleicht traf ich die falsche Enscheidung.. Ich sollte Europäsische Studium oder Betriebswirtschaft studieren.. Aber alles ist zu spät.. =(

Jetzt will ich eine Sprachlehrerin sein.. Aber ich weiß nicht, wie ich eine Sprachlehrerin sein kann.. Ich habe auch eine große Problem mit der deutschen Aussprache.. Ich hatte viel Methodie probieren, aber ich kann nicht gut aussprechen.. Haiz.. =(

really sianz diao today.. all my thoughts is in german, abit depressed today, don't feel like translating my thoughts to english.. but anyway, who cares right? haha..

things are not within my hands.. not only it saddens me.. it sends chills down my spine..

for better or worse.. in health and sickness..

some typical wedding vows..

when i was very very young, i felt that divorce is a very wrong thing to do because couple has the responsibility to put in tremendous effort to keep the marriage work because couple choose to get married to each other and no one is forcing them to..

but now, i realised that human are becoming more and more undesirable.. guys becoming more and more of a visual creature and they choose partner not with their brain but with the lower half of their body. on the other hand, gals becoming more and more of a manipulator.. and when they find a better catch, they will just abandon their present one and leave for the better on.. hence, the probability of a blissful union of two RIGHT person tends to zero.. becos the union is due to those superficial reasons..

however when a marriage failed.. divorce might not be a easy way out because you seems to have to be accountable to everyone in the world.. especially, ur parents&relatives, his parents&relatives.. in my opinion, children seems to be the greatest hurdle.. because before divorce, the couple has to break the news to the child and then allow him to choose who he want to follow.. the immature child, who only knows the world as cinderella and beauty&the beast, will definitely beg and plead his parents not to file for divorce.. probably he suceeds.. despite this little sucess, his parents' pain&suffering would be prolonged.. and over time, it would snow-balled into greater pain and in the end, his mum, his dad and him will all be living in a world of pain&suffering.. needless to say, the little child who then grows up to be a big adult will then realise that he is the ultimate culprit for all these tragedies..

yesterday went to watch this with my sis.. this is a very nice show.. and i enjoyed it alot.. the message that it is conveying is that fate will bring people together, eventually..

so the male lead was asking his daughter to guess who her mum was and he recited the story of 3 ladies he dated and that he changed the name of the ladies..

it seems if people in ur life are meant to remain in ur life, u will still meet each other despite years of separation..

if only the male lead was courageous enough to pursue April though she was still with her bf, he wouldn't have gone through a failed marriage with his college sweetheart. if only summer didn't betrayed the trust of the male lead, they would have happily married and then April might not then come into the picture.. it is quite touching to see he and April get together eventually..

so wat does it say? fate do play a huge part in life.. probably it was fate that the male lead couldn't surmount sufficient courage to tell April he love her.. and eventually he still needed the help of his little daughter.. again if his daughter was not born, he would have missed the chance to be with April..

though i like April alot, i could never be her.. becos_____ .. haha..

talking about fate.. i was hunting for a black short for months.. but i never seems to be able to find a decent one.. and 2 days ago, i finally found it at Zara.. it was so hard to get it.. cos the taka branch doesn't have it in black anymore and hence i got to go to the vivo branch to get it.. however i have my huili to go with me.. or else i guess i will just wonder why i have to go to such great length alone to get a pair of shorts?

talking about fate.. i was hunting for a very nice biscuit for 2 weeks.. it is incredibly disgusting.. cos i went to so many supermarket despite exams period to find it.. eventually i found it ytd at NTUC.. the reason? cos the vending machine in NUS has it in individual packing of 4 cookies so i thought it should be a multi-pack kind of packing like oreo.. however, those that is commercially available at NTUC comes in very different packing that i never could imagine.. i nearly fainted.. to make me a little unhappy is that it doesn't come in strawberry cos it was sold out.. if only i m April, i m very sure that the male lead will hunt for me the cookies and give the strawberry cookies to me a few weeks ago.. just like how he managed to find a very old book that April's dad gave to April..

yah.. recently fate has given me such a chore to hunt for the thing i want.. i become worried.. is this some omen that i have to overcome various barrier to get wat i want in life?

if that is the case.. can all these barriers thingy just leave my career alone?? i want to have a smooth sailing career and to earn alot of $$ for all the thing i want to buy.. i want to be sucessfully in my career!!

expression of love..


(names r omitted to protect my own life.. ha.. i'm still too young to die..)

1
a florist shop in the street of europe.. he saw her favorite flower blooming nicely in summer.. he went secretly to buy a bouquet of tulip for her.. and everyone stood in admiration when he presented her with the bouquet.. my heart melted too though i m not the recipient..

2
a guy waited outside the lecture hall (6-8 pm lecture) for his girl.. when her lecture ended and she left the lecture hall, the guy gave her some snacks and drinks.. u must be hungry.. have a bit first before we go somewhere else to eat dinner.. so sweet.. again my heart melted too though i m not the recipient..

3
have u seen xx? someone asked me..
i guess she is in the lab.. but i donno which one cos we diff major.. i answered..
oh.. i bought some waffles for her for lunch cos i know she will be too busy with lab for food.. he then answered..

4
she was mugging so stressfully with me in hall.. then he called her to go down to the 1st storey to meet him.. and she then brought him up.. he gave her a ugly self-wrap transparent pack.. in the pack contains many chocolates and sweets.. seeing that i m also there, he embarassingly asked my fren to share it with me as well.. though the goodie bag was badly wrapped but the thought was just so sweet..

though i m just a spectator in all these events, i felt so sweet when i fulfiled my role as an audience..

so my fren was happily telling me that she is attached.. and when she told me who that guy was.. my eyes rolled.. for the name is just so familiar..

u mean he is the guy who likes ur best fren? *purposely emphasing the s in likes*

huh? what if she is still not attached? or she breaks up with her bf a few months later?

what are you trying to say? are u trying to tell me that i m just a spare tyre??

i wanted to say yes but somehow i never have the courage to let those hurtful words out of my mouth..

probably i m cranky.. but i am super critical of those people who initially fell in love with ur best fren then somehow come to you.. it is so hard to give such couples my blessings.. it is ok to be second best BUT how r u gg to face ur best fren leh?? everytime when u see ur best fren, u know deep inside that due to her mercy, u can then be with ur present bf..

write or speak? i guess i learnt to write before i learnt to speak.. it seems weird but then, my mum was telling me when i was very small, i wouldn't talk or respond but to stare blank into space.. and my mum freaked out cos she thought that her daughter, me, got some mental problems.. and she also suspected that i had autism..

as a child, i struggled with speaking because i simply couldn't speak.. i could write but i could not pronounce.. and if i tried, i cannot even enunciate it audibly for people to understand me.. i have forgotten when was the time i could sucessfully speak chinese and english well.. i m sure that was before primary 6 because i did well for my oral.. haha..

now i also have problems with hokkien.. i could understand what they are talking (my level of understanding hokkien is very good =p) but i just cannot speak..

now i m facing the same problem with learning german.. i could write reasonably good essays but i could not speak.. some pronounciation problems.. i am pretty worried becos i want to learn french.. i m telling myself to settle the german pronounciation before embarking on french.. it is not becos i have no confidence.. it is simply just that i couldn't pronounce..

i gg to practice on the german pronounciation.. i don't want the germans to go huh.. when they don't understand me simply cos i didn't pronounce it rightly..

so ytd was thesis submission..

so reached YIH at 11am to print. there i met Dr Siva, my saviour!!!!!! he spotted critical mistakes in my thesis and he helped me correct and write one part of my thesis.. super duper grateful!!!!!!!!!!!!

then went to print.. met km and wp.. so in the end, after the printing and stuff we went back to sci.. realised got critical mistake, then went back to YIH to print again..

so went to Sam Li's lecture only at 5pm.. haha.. it started at 4pm..

and i was late for *ding ding* by 3 hours..

it was so interesting when j and s also know who xx is.. it is a small world.. somehow my fren is also my fren's fren.. so i asked j why xx never replied my email when i asked him for his msn.. cos i might want xx to help me with the editing of my resume and also asked him abt the job prospects in germany.. j said something like, what can he gain in return for helping me? but j said that might not be the reason.. but somehow it seems so feasible to me.. ok la.. i shouldnt have anything to complain.. he had sent me his resume.. i should be thankful..

ya.. probably the next time i must think of how to repay people before asking for help.. yeah.. so i went germany for immersion the last time.. i gave my host all the food items fr singapore towards the end of my stay at her house.. so my fren asked why i didnt give it the first day i went to her house.. isn't it defeat the purpose? but the problem is i dont want people to treat me well becos they pai seh and have not choice..

i guess i m wrong.. i will try to fine-tune that.. so people will respond..

i dreamt of european building ytd.. and i tot it was prague.. and i was alone.. haha..

i dreamt that mq and xuxu asked me out.. i suggested eating fish & co's seafood platter but xuxu said she don't want cos she ate it 2 days ago.. so mq suggested watching movie.. i asked them to go into the cinema first and i went to eat fish & co alone..

now that xc is getting married soon in oct.. and soon, all my gf (all who are slim and not fat like me) will all get married soon.. i might be alone.. haha.. the dream might be telling my future..

my future: me and myself..

so today in class frau Neumann asked me why i m on the photo.. haha.. anyway, quite happy though it is no big deal.. it is so interesting to be on a german magazine.. =)

anyway, if only i knew i will be on the magazine i won't have worn shorts!! hahaa..

the article except the title is in german.. so tough luck for people who don't understand german.. haha..

yeah.. i m happy.. crappy.. =)

anyway, it seems like many people has either applied for master or jobs.. i m still somehow stuck.. haha..

ok la.. i hate my lousy thesis anyway.. my prof havent replied me..

oh ya.. i received a wedding invitation from a very good fren.. yup.. hope i can make it on that day.. =) just feel happy for her!!

hu1fan9

so today just finished my draft 1 for my thesis.. not very happy with my thesis cos i think it sucks to the core.. but then i got to bear with it cos i got no better solution.. i wonder what my prof's going to change.. sure got thing to change de.. i am going to edit it once more before submitting tonight..

bleahz.. compile my german project.. now waiting for kenneth's copy.. then i can finish compiling everything.. hope he won't give me at midnight.. whahaha..

tough luck today.. guess i will just have to sleep past midnight..

so happy~~

hmm.. actually don't really know if it is worth being happy first.. but yeah.. i felt quite relieved and therefore happy!

today went for the EURIP briefing.. haha.. suddenly felt so unwanted.. nobody wants me and kw..

anyway, quite excited i m going to speak german in june.. hopefully.. i m going to grab hold of any opportunity to use the language.. i hope many german will come forward and chat with me.. haha.. just like the last time i went germany, i realised that so many germans approached us to chat!! i felt more excited when they knew wat i m talking about when i have just completed german 2!!

right now i m done with german 4.. i guess my abiltiy to speak the language should be even better.. i hope i can survive without dictionary!! though i will bring.. whahaha..

oh yeah.. it is real.. i'm going to travel ALONE after the whole program ends..

hmmm.. a little thing that pissed me today is that two medical students came to sit beside me on the bus 95.. *puke* i simply hate them to the core..

oh ya.. anyway right now i m training myself to appreciate pretty thing le.. if u know what i mean.. haha.. i'm just un-doing what others has done to me.. haha..

oh ya.. i m happy... YIPEE..

ok enuff of crapz.. shall get back to work.. there are too many thing to be completed during this weekend..

today is seriously a disgusting day..

after german tutorial, i bought fr my favorite chinese economic rice stall fr arts and brought it to science to eat.. at first i was so happy, because they do the bittergourd very very well and i like the bean curd as well.. and the happiest being there is no queue for waffles!!

then i headed back to science.. went to my fav space, realised to horror that it was taken.. so i went to many places, interestingly all benches were taken.. except one.. i was so upset.. becos the bench next to mine sits 2 medical students.. i saw their textbook and i knew it.. damn it.. so fate want to ridicule me for not getting into medicine.. thanks arh.. ever since i was rejected fr medical sch, i hate doctors to the core.. and now, u want me to sit beside some doc-wannabe? to illustrate to me that i m a loser?

i m so upset with my german vocab tests.. there are just 40 or so words (out of a 200 words?) that no matter how hard i tried to memorise those damn words(until to the verge of breaking down), they just don't want to stay in my brain!! sitting close to medical students heightened my pain.. i m just a loser who cannot memorise some simple vocab while those beside me can memorise all the names of the vessels in the human body.. yeah.. i m a loser.. i don't deserve to be in medical school!!

and sometimes i really find people so irritating.. sometimes when i am so alone and i need a companion, no matter who i called, no one is free!!! and when i was busy mugging with my vocab test, people i knew walked past and stopped by to talk.. it is just a waste of my time.. it always happens!! interesting.. when i just need to talk to a human being, no one will be there.. when i m super busy with my work and no time, everyone tried to pop by.. and disturb me.. i wonder if there is a conspiracy going on..

the fav place i always study at.. was never occupied cos no sane people will want to sit theere.. but then it was occupied today.. i know.. fate want me to sit next to some medical students and want to know that i m a loser who cannot get into medicine.. and also want tonnes of people to pass by to disrupt my peace..

if only i knew i couldnt have gotten into med, i won't have studied so hard.. cos my fren who got only BBC also got into science!! what is the point of getting As leh? is it fair for people who mugged damn hard to realise that ur coursemate only got BBC for A level? how easy my college life would be if only i just aim for a BBC..

it is ok.. life is never fair for me.. for the past 3 semesters.. during exams period, there will definitely be upgrading or renovation going on to prevent me from doing well.. probably is the reason why no matter how many As or A- i got for those 3 semesters, i will have a B or a B- to prevent my CAP fr rising.. and there was one sem i got 4As, 1b+, 1b.. cos of that stupid B, my fren whose SAP was 4.6 got into dean list and mine 4.5833 was out!! if only i got a B+ for my biomolecules..

my year 1 and 2 were a flop cos i was too upset that any ah dog ah cat could get into science.. yah.. and NUS didn't offer biochemistry as well.. so in the end, i didn't study.. this explains my lousy CAP.. yeah!!! u all have it.. first prevent me fr being a doctor then prevent me fr being a top chemist!! i used to think empolyer see more than CAP but after IA, i realised CAP is everything!! FATE, thanks alot!! u let me study so hard for A level and disappointed in yr 1 and 2 so i didn't study when i could just slack for my A level and study hard for uni!!

okie.. u win!! my FYP is going to be a flop!! yeah.. 16 MC down the drain.. so u all have a good laugh now? i m falling down!! 16 MC of B or B- is going to pull down my CAP.. anyway, i wonder why the whole world is so excited to see me deaD?

forget it.. i shall just accept fate le.. for my life is just so wretched..