I am so angry now..

I lost something some time back.. I tried all my best to get it back.. I didn't manage to get it and I felt so upset..

i tried to convince myself that it was not what i wanted.. i tried to think very badly of it.. i tried to stuff sour grapes into my mouth.. So as to devalue it so as to make me feel better.. so i told myself i don't love it.. i don't want it anymore..

and one fine day, it just came to me.. this time round within my reach.. if i want it, i can just place it in my pocket and make it mine..

but i don't have the courage of owning it once again.. cos of the uncertainity if it'll slip away from me again.. i don't want to go tro the emotional roller coaster of losing it again, then the sour grape denial.. it is just so painful..

it is better to let it go sometimes.. right now i don't understand why it is returning to me.. is it some sort of conspiration to ruin my life? i will not fall into the same trap anymore..

the stupidest thing one can do is to jump back into the same shit pit after he pull himself out of the smelly shit pit.. it sounds gross but it makes great sense..

so let me now pyscho myself that it is some sort of conspiracy to ruin my life..

it is a conspiracy!!
it is a conspiracy!!
it is a conspiracy!!