sometimes i always asked myself if it is my fault.. other thing probably, but not this.. this is NOT my fault..

i felt injustice.. i wonder why it has come to this stage when i am hoping against hope to go back in time.. damn sad, i can never go back in time.. i know i have to look forward and not dwell on the past.. i just cannot get over the fact that i am supposed to go through this crapz when it is not my fault.. i shouldn't blamed anyone.. so m i supposed to blame myself when it is clearly not my fault..

i want to leave this sickening place but there is no opportunity to go the land of my happiness.. should i now plan to go the happy land? or am i fated not to be able to go to the happy land?

anyway, i watched oprah winfrey.. the topic discussed is life after the gastric bypass.. 3 morbidly obese females, of weigh about 300-400+ pounds, underwent gastric bypass in the hope to change their life.. so after the surgery, the size of the stomach shrank dramatically and could at most accommodate 6 grapes.. due to this, they lost weigh and became strikingly pretty ladies.. one even posed for playboy magazine.. however, they were not happy.. becuase they had always used food as an avenue to drown their problems.. but after the operation, their tiny stomach prevented them to drown their problem by excessive consumption.. so they turned to alcohol.. because of their tiny stomach, they could feel intoxicated almost immediately they drink..

i fully sympathised with them.. this world is so practical.. i mean who will give a damn about fat people leh?

i got comments that i am very fat and colleague even put a free california fitness 1 week pass on my table.. i guess i have to change my fate now...... stomach bypass is a no-no for me.. i love grapes but 6 is too few.. haha..