it has been a damn depressing week.. no matter how hard i tried, somehow nothing come out of it.. it seems like the process doesn't really matter at all.. it is the end results that count.. i never forget that i always lament in school why there were so many small tests and term paper and wat not tests throughout the whole semester.. i always hope for just a final exam at the end of the semester, simply because i didn't study throughout the semester and this resulted in me getting horrific grades for my tests and then i had to score doubly well compared to my peers in the final exams.. so i shouldn't complain about my life now.. isn't this what i wanted all along?

life has been quite different for me.. i have changed.. i have now my own sets of thinking.. i guess i have unconventional principle but somehow i still didn't get a chance to practice it.. i suppose this is due to suppression by angels in my head.. or rather the devil never took initiative.. sometimes i wonder if i would depise myself in 10 years time if the devil took the initiative and i accepted it..

i am too tired.. i am speechless.. i know the barrier will always be there.. but it is ok.. because the consequences that ensued might be too stressful for me to bear.. it might be good that thing remains as what it is now.. who can assure confidently that to stay constant is undisputedly a bad thing? no doubt change might bring along pleasant surprises.. but what if it never? i rather thing remains as what it is now..