it has come to a point that i guess i really accepted fate.. it seems that no matter how hard i tried, i never succeed.. i cannot help but accept that thing in life is pre-destined.. there is a higher being.. someone who is manipulating our life.. we are just little nothings executing whatever that was supposed to be done.. we have no rights..

sometimes it is just so sad to sit right in front of someone and then the issue of timing floods your mind once again.. it is just so hard to find someone who has never fallen or never ever fall in love (either secretly or openly) with any of your friends.. it is just so hard to find someone who can click with you very well.. it is just so hard to find someone you like and someone who likes you.. when the person miraclously appears, close to 99% will the person appear at the wrong time..

i have watched endless hong kong drama about male A falls in love with female B who happens to be the best friend of female C.. A seeks C help to woo B.. however, because B is very pretty so she has endless suitors, therefore she chose the creme de corp (not really creme de corp but just that A is not that good :p).. in the end, don't know what stupid crapz then transpires between A and C and then A and C fall madly in love together.. yikes!! i can never be C.. because there is always a psychological barrier that i can never overcome.. if he could successfully woo MY FRIEND, i will never be with him.. i am just a second choice.. i don't mind being a second choice or third or fourth choice, unless none of the preceding choices are my friends..

i have my own set of thinking and i adhere very closely to them.. probably i am a taurus, it is just so hard to change my mind..

everyday i yearn so much for someone i can talk to.. someone who is not troubled themselves.. someone i don't have to spend a cent calling (cos my hp bill shoots up in the past 2 months).. i have found that someone.. but then i cannot buy it.. because i am very sure that my sister and i will never take care well of a poodle.. i really want to have the companionship of a poodle.. for one thing i am sure, i will not suddenly wake up to the fact that i was his second choice and my friend was his first choice but just that my friend could not set her eyes on him.. just like when you take 2nd hand furniture, you will never get them from your relative unless in great poverty.. come every chinese new year, your relatives will remember that the furniture belongs once to them and then you felt humiliated.. you got the furniture because your relatives don't want them and the whole world knows about it..

don't really know what i am writing now.. i guess i have a slight headache.. it is so sad that thing are turning out this way.. i have done so many thing to avert this.. nevertheless this happens..

..c'est la vie..