anyway, it is quite weird today.. cos he is back to normal again.. people shouldn't doubt my intelligence.. i know what those jargon means because i read very widely before i gone to uni.. weirdo medical terms, i understand.. until now i felt so unfair that i cannot make it to medicine..

i just like to be with him because i got this apparent feeling that he understands how i feel.. in addition, his maturity just never fails to amaze me.. and i really enjoy being with him.. but too bad, he seems to like someone else and also another superficial man who see physical beauty before any other thing..

i didnt clarify what gone wrong previously and why he ignored me for quite some time.. i didnt worry that it will be awkward but rather, i dont remember clarifying with him.. anyway, i do admit i have a capricious temper.. sometimes i cannot even anticipate my next move either.. i knew why i was upset with him and then i ignored him then he ignored me..

i wonder why i just feel so weak.. i just need a break.. with the pathetic prospects ahead of me, i have lost my fighting spirit completely.. i just want to get another job.. if i will not do well in the end of yr appraisal, then i might as well go some other departments that i like but filled with scholars which will affect my performance.. cos in the end, the outcome is the same.. bad grades.. since the outcome is the same, of course i will choose the process i prefer the most.. i must seriously go study the job posting on intranet.. i really cannot stand it le.. i just want to go.. the only hope i had will be burst also.. unless i got the PR thingy or i might just go to my fav dept and do my fav thing and be an average performer..