i tin i am totally stressed up recently i am so worried abt whole lots of thing at work but yet i cannot tell anyone that i am stressed.. i need to be professional.. i need to show everyone tt i can cope with stress.. the most memorable day was when i had to prepare for ranking board and also do minute for my dept meeting on the same day.. i was finalising alot of thing for the ranking thingy.. and also minute.. minute here is so different.. got appendix somemore.. the meeting took the whole morning and i started writing the minute after lunch.. in the end, i finish the minutes at 9+.. i settled the ranking thing and then i realised i wanted to change something and alas, i was logged out of the system.. nearly fainted.. haiz..

i wonder why i m so worried.. i just want to excel in my work.. becos this might be the only thing i have when i grow old.. i still have the thoughts that i will not settle for the second best in term of r/s.. i am scared of being lonely but i have to spare a thought for my future child.. i was once socially unacceptable.. i knew the sad feeling of being the untouchable.. the least i can give my child is to ensure that he is socially acceptable.. that is very important for his growth..

i never believe in true love.. i just believe in someone who will be ur permanent social escort.. it is so weird to do certain thing alone.. but i will not be selfish and do it at the expense of the intelligence and physical looks of my future child..

so i hate stupid guys.. i hate ugly guys.. the worst being stupid and ugly guys.. imagine ur future child inherit his genes and u have a stupid and ugly child.. i mean i m not physically attractive or intelligent.. at least i look plesant and i am sort of witty.. so if my child were to inherit my gene, i will have an ordinary child.. no one will even look at him.. so i need superior gene to have a expectional child..

come on, the world is such a ugly place.. so if u want to bring someone to earth, pls at least give him plesant looks and of acceptable level of intelligence..

who u eventually marry will determine ur future and also the future of ur poor child..

i have only met once a very intelligent and quite good looking guy in uni but too bad, he was taken by someone who is very pretty and broke up with her ex bf just to be with him.. and she wanted me to assure her that i am not interested in him.. diaoz..

i wonder when will i meet the next one? if he appears, how do i identify him? and whether i have the courage to go all out like her to get him? including giving up the certainty (frens, my own principle, gg against social norms) for the uncertainty.. do u think i will?