it has been a long time ever since i blogged.. i am feeling quite unsure these few days.. unsure of alot of thing..

watched 变奏曲 today.. realised that i always felt quite sad after this show.. today it was about the main female lead xiao rou.. she wanted to forget about the guy she love.. cos he was already dead and she being the live being, should learn to carry on and live life to the fullest.. trying to get him away from your life is like removing a barrier to achieving happiness.. there were a few lines from the show that touched my heart.. i don't remember the exact words, only the gist.. i know i have to forget you but it seems like i am now like a parasite dependent on the host.. and now that you (the host) are gone, i cannot continue to live..

i always believe that if a r/s is forged, it would then grow to be like the r/s of a parasite and host.. from a person's point of view, he will be the parasite, regardless of who is the dominaneering one in the r/s.. once such strong bond is forged, it would be very hard and painful to abandon this r/s..

this is why the dead always bring pain to the living.. i don't know if after life exists.. but what i am sure is that the dead will bring sadness to the living for as long as the living lives..

i finally found out that i have wasted my life placing my emphasis on the wrong thing in life.. i always thought that it was the most precious thing in life, and in the end, i was utterly wrong.. i have wasted a part of life.. i want to invent a time machine.. i want to go back time.. i have regretted.. i will not repeat history.. there is more important thing in life that i should have achieved..

anyway, i have discussed quite alot of thing with M.. it is so disappointing to understand that thing in life is like it is.. we are no longer little kids already.. it is no longer a green pasture out there.. what lies ahead is plain with dangerous werewolves looming hungrily for preys.. sometimes when someone came to offer help, you might not even dare to accept it because you are just worried the person might expect alot more from you which you don't want to go against your principle to return the favor.. haiz.. it takes alot of clear-headed reasoning to turn down the seemingly attractive offer..

i am learning not to be too mean to certain people.. =P

anyway, i have accidentally missed a dateline.. Maybe it is not meant to be ba.. =(