hello.. i might be touring germany alone.. for 10 solid days.. whahaha.. incredible right? cos kw want to go italy for 5 days.. and then fly home from there.. no compromise.. i guess i should learn to do thing on my own.. i m still so fat yah.. the probability of me getting married is close to 0%.. and when all my gf got married, they won't have time for me either.. hahhaa..

anyway, the most regreting thing that i never did the last time was to visit the jewish museum in munich.. haha.. but the tour ended on a satursday.. i wonder if the museum is open.. haiz.. got to check it out.. cos by hook or crook i want to go visit it..

then i m going to füssen again.. i really love the place alot..

this time round i am going to focus on states on germany i have never had a chance to go to.. guess i am also gg to prague or venice?

anyway, mn is also going italy and switzerland with her bf.. so i was thinking if i had a bf now, i would've pulled him along.. whahaha.. anyway, fat hope, till i shed those extra 10kg then i will have a bf..

hmmm.. i was wondering if it was far too exciting or boring to go alone.. but the problem is.. i really have idea where i want to go.. and i really want to go.. especially the jewish museum in munich.. =)

yeah.. and i will be going back to münster.. perhaps fr there can go to holland.. oh ya.. i really love köln cos the catherdral is so pretty.. but i donno if it is practical to go there again.. hahaha..

i want to go to all the bavarian states.. haha.. but seems like i have visited quite many states in germany.. i guess i should cross border to experience more thing as well.. but frankfurt will definitely be my last stop.. i want to depart from germany.. cos it is so good to be able to get to the airport without being scared u will lose ur way and therefore miss the plane back to sg.. the last time we departed from france and that was a super disgusting experience..

nevertheless.. i hope i don't have to do it alone.. but who ask me to eat so much, so now so fat and therefore no bf? haha.. i am just reaping what i have sown..

i really regret studying chemistry.. cos i m not a first class honor and therefore i see very small career opportunity in chemistry.. all i could do is probably just some routine analysis and wat not..

all of a sudden i realized that i should have gone into mass communication or accountancy in NTU.. NTU is also nearer to my house.. I guess i was too concerned with NUS being more prestigeous than NTU..

all of a sudden i donno what i am doing.. why am i in chemistry? aren't i supposed to be studying medicine? oppz.. i remembered why.. the medical school rejected me!!

I suddenly realized that in the game of life, we are not allowed to make any wrong move.. simply because there is no such thing as going back to the start line and restart.. just like now, it is better for me to love chemistry rather than trying to do something else..

I hope in August, i will be a very happy huifang.. i really hope so..

haha.. reporting to my blog again.. the more stress i m, the more frequent i blog.. haha..

anyway.. i m trying to counsel myself recently not to be so worrisome recently.. so this is how i counsel myself:

the world is full of devils.. the devils just want to make u panic and lose ur cool and hence lose ur focus.. with ur loss in focus, u will be distracted and therefore unable to achieve ur goal.. so ms huifang.. do u want to give in to those devils? do u want to let those devils have it their ways?

i guess recently i was a nuisance to everyone in my life.. hope no one will hate me.. by bringing negativity into their life.. whahahaa..

anyway just take it positively ba.. 该走的人，始终会离开的.. 残忍的把我一个人留下.. haiz.. i m sure my life would have been a much better one if i wasn't abandoned 7 yrs ago.. oh huifang, u got to move orh..

haiz.. i really like white lilies.. it is so elegant.. but i never ever had one before.. oh ya.. it is seriously NOT a hint for anyone to buy me lilies for my bdae.. somemore what i like is a gigantic bouquet of white lilies, not just a few stalk.. and since it is going to wilt anyway, i rather have something more practical.. i m just lamenting.. here i go again.. huifang!! stop bringing negativities into other life.. okie dokie.. do ur projects now!! okie dokie.. ms counsellor..

p/s: i really got a counselling cert.. and i have counselled people before.. believe it or not.. whahaahaha..

why does it come to a point when i am super duper stressed? it is so weird that people kept telling me that it is ok that my reaction failed as long as i bothered to go and find out what went wrong.. the funny thing is.. if only i knew wat went wrong, would i have let it gone wrong? amazing!!


it has come to a point when all i want to do is to find someone who can listen to my lament patiently.. someone who tries to understand the stress i m under right now!! but alas!! i realised that faces got distorted when i pour out my sorrow.. it is amazing that friends could only share the happy times (make merry together) but when it comes to pain.. don't come near me..


oh ya.. i don't see the need to talk to someone who ignoreD me when i was alone the last time.. there are just so many classic examples.. friend meets new people and they stick themselves with their new one in a short period of new environment and then ignore me.. then after a period is over, everything fall back to the same place and if u naively think that i will still be there for u? it is just so crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!! there are 3 such friends i could think of.. nevertheless i never regret knowing them.. becos they taught me about the harsh facts of life.. hahahaha..


oh my sis said she bo bian had to listen to my lament cos she has to fulfil her obligation as a sister.. if it were just a fren, she would have ignored the person long time back.. so i asked my sis, does it mean i have to get a bf so that i could find someone who would listen to me? my sis said, he would break up with me.. how about a husband then? she said, he would probably NOT divorce with me, he would just go find another less lamentful mistress who is even prettier than me.. haha..


anyway.. recently i have grown to have no expectation of anyone.. i have grown to a stage when i don't want to give a damn anymore.. becos I am a social outcast.. someone who is yet to lose her weight!!


just to share a little event which i have shared with mx yesterday as well.. there was once a fren who gossipED with another fren of mine.. she said let's pair up huifang and xx.. becos xx is so ugly.. huifang is so fat.. none of the human population will want them.. let's try pairing them up, so at least they still have one another!! so mx asked if i have told xx abt it.. how could i have possibly told xx that someone said u are so ugly so u will be unwanted? cos it is so hard to let those cruel words pass my lips..


oh ya.. i must de-stress myself.. hahaha.. should i give myself a good treat to fried carrot cake, nasi lemak, hor fun and some chinese dumpling? i could think of a place where i can gorge.. but thinking of gorging everything by myself seems like an impossible task.. though i admit that i m super fat, i still cannot swallow 4 serving of main course in 1 go..

suddenly i was wondering.. what is wrong with me?? why do i feel so worrisome recently?? it is weird in the sense since i have sort of taking life easy.. nevertheless it is quite stressful these few weeks.. i guess after graduation, everything will be fun!! whaahaha..

anyway, i really really want to eat the ugly cake at NYDC but i am so scared of growing fat.. whahhaa.. considering the fact that my clothes are getting tighter and tighter during these days.. the worst being i feel like eating buffet but i am scared of over-eating and therefore growing fat.. so recently beside my modules and fyp, food is also constantly on my mind.. i guess it is ridiculous BUT i really love to eat!!! whahaa.. the best being i can get a foodie-companion, be it male or female but the person must eat alot!! so I can go out with him/her, and try many many different food and i dont have to eat that much!! whahaha.. in addition, it would be good if the person also know where to fine good and cheap food.. talking about drink, i have tremendous love for starbuck house brew or something like tt.. and their sugar is calories free.. haha.. and i like my coffee sweet and with milk but when i go out, i ask for coffee without sugar and milk cos both of them are full of calories.. but in starbuck, i can have sweet coffee without guilt!! =)

sometimes when i eat alone at a fabulous hawker centre.. i can't possibly ask anyone along cos that was so impromptu(i realised that people will surely not be free if there is too last min, therefore i dont even want to jio cos i noe people would reject me anyway), i will order more that i can eat.. for example, i have ordered both hor fun and fried carrot cake for lunch.. i then finished them all.. whahhaa.. i would admire when i see couples each ordering a plate of food of their choice and then ordering another plate of food which they shared.. meaning.. they can eat 3 different types of food at a time!!! wooo.. and they need no gorge themselves to death like i always do.. whahahaha..

Dear God,

It is really painful to go through failures.. Please let me succeed!! I need a miracle badly because I don't want to graduate with a lousy honour degree!! Please bless me..

And please possess me with the strength to be able to telepathy with the examiners and so I can prepare the questions that they are going to ask me during Q&A..

Sincerely,

Your faithful follower